In a compulsory poll conducted by the Turkish government, the country came out on top of all other nations as the world capital of free speech.
The results initially came as a shock to international bystanders considering Turkey’s growing propensity to imprison journalists and political opponents of President Recep Erdoğan.
“We are pleased to announce”, Erdoğan stated upon publicly reading the poll’s results, “that Turkey has officially declared itself the freest speech country on earth, with 99.98% of respondents saying that Turkey is the world capital of free speech! I simply hope this puts to rest the ridiculous accusations that Turkey simply locks up those who don’t agree with the regime once and for all.”
Meanwhile, it is understood that a number of Turks, approximating 0.02% of the electorally eligible population, have been arrested on charges of conspiracy “entirely unrelated to the free speech poll”, but most likely related to their inability to “take a fucking hint.”
Since the vote, other countries have followed suit whereby the population of Iran has voted Tehran the “gay-friendly capital of the Middle East” and Syria’s inhabitants have declared Assad to be “simply the nicest guy you could ever meet”.
