Trump Hides Stormy Daniels Non-Disclosure Agreement in Mideast Peace Plan

Image from The Japan Times

Looking to make sure that the document detailing his affair with the porn star never sees the light of day, US President Donald Trump has hidden his “hush agreement” with Stormy Daniels in his Mideast peace proposal.

Trump has been searching for ways to release the non-disclosure agreement without anybody noticing. Given low expectations for his Mideast peace proposal, he concluded that the document has a good shot at being completely ignored.

“Look, the Israelis and the Palestinians don’t want peace, so none of them are going to read the thing,” Trump reportedly told an advisor. “And the media won’t cover anything I do unless it involves Russia, white supremacists or golden showers. So besides a few losers at Brookings, who no one pays attention to anyway, nobody is actually going to read the whole damn plan.”

The agreement, which lays out intimate details of Trump’s 2006 affair with the porn star, is buried deep within the plan, towards the end of a section on the resettlement of Palestinian refugees. After declaring the refugees of Israel’s war of independence “complete losers who, frankly, should be embarrassed that couldn’t even win a war when I won Pennsylvania by eight million votes, and nobody expected it,” the document contains 81 pages on Trump and Daniels’s relationship before concluding that all Palestinian refugees shall be sent back to Mexico.

As of press time, Trump had appointed former Playboy playmate Karen McDougal as his envoy for the peace talks to prevent word of their 2006 affair from getting out.