WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump’s ‘Small Hands Syndrome’ is reportedly driving his position on a key Middle East conflict. According to a senior White House aide, Trump’s siding with Saudi Arabia in its standoff with Qatar is not due to the tiny gas-producing emirate alleged support for extremist organizations, but rather is an extension “of Trump’s outsized obsession with proving his manhood.”
According to the official, who spoke to The Mideast Beast on condition of anonymity, Trump’s disdain for Qatar began during his June visit to Saudi Arabia, during which his hosts are said to have adeptly played to the U.S. president’s ego. “Look how small Qatar is… and look how big our Kingdom is, Mr. President,” King Salman allegedly said, while pointing at a map of the region. “Surely someone like you–with such big hands and we can only imagine what else–would side with us over this puny little pecker of a so-called nation?” Added the White House aide: “After Trump examined the map and saw this tiny peninsula sticking out into the sea, dwarfed by Saudi Arabia’s vastness, he said: ‘If I stick up for the little guy, people will think I have a tiny weener. Bad!’”
To back up his theory, the White House source pointed to Trump’s apparent shoving of the leader of another small country, Montenegro, at May’s NATO summit. “It’s classic Small Manhood Syndrome–just wait until he forsakes Taiwan after the Chinese tell him he’s hung like a donkey…”
