Palestinian leader Abbas embroiled in investment scandal

Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas has found himself in hot water recently as revelations regarding his investment portfolio were inadvertently made public through a glitch in his online trading account.

Abbas apparently has investments in pork futures and a heavy stake in SodaStream®.  The transaction report – obtained by The Israeli Daily – reveals a pattern of aggressive investing in exclusively Israeli-owned companies, and an unusually high number of commodities ventures, such as cattle futures in India and pork futures in Tehran.

Abbas refused comment for this story, but sources close to the Palestinian leader confirm that he considers himself to be a “long-term” investor, not a “day-trader.”

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a close personal confidante of Abbas said “It’s not all Persian rugs and scimitars here.  Our investment choices are just as hip and modern as any Jew.”

Another well-known Arab investor remarked “That whole Boycott, Divest and Sanctions deal is for whiny white folks.  We Semites know a good investment when we see one.”

The Palestinian Authority (PA) has condemned the report as “propaganda designed to undercut the value of our really awesome Palestinian investment vehicles.”  While not specifically mentioned, many observers believe the PA was referring to the newly launched “Gaza Fund,” a socially responsible mutual fund that invests only in underground excavation machinery and tunnel-building materials.