Netanyahu: Military Aid from U.S. “Allows Jews to Defend Themselves Without Relying On Outsiders”

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JERUSALEM — Everything about Israel is complicated. Its milk comes in bags, its wars are short and yet never seem to end, and it’s a tech power house where you couldn’t find an iPod charger until like five years ago.

So it should come as no surprise that some people are upset that the Jewish State gets an annual allowance from the United States, and this is especially true given the topic’s inclusion in the recently released Black Lives Matter platform.

Next year alone, Israel is set to receive $3.1 billion from the U.S. in military aid in order to maintain its regional ‘qualitative edge’, a name that will inevitably be stolen by Gillette for its new line of razors.  Supporters of the Jewish State tend to loyally support the annual aid package despite the fact that it continues to serve as the giant dildo anti-Israel activists use to ram them in the ass.

From the start, one of the main reasons for Israel’s founding, other than the eventual production of Bar Rafael, was so that after WWII Jews would no longer need rely on outsiders for protection. Given that Jews all but invented irony, it’s odd that many don’t see the failed logic in counting on foreign aid for security.

It’s like a fat guy getting liposuction because he wants to lose weight without surgery.  Prime Minister Netanyahu addressed the controversy earlier today, stressing how important the aid is to Israel’s survival, calling it “as important as the hair gel that keeps your comb-over in place on a windy day.”  And so, we find ourselves in the predicament of receiving liposuction to deceive ourselves into thinking we’re losing weight naturally just so the anti-Israel camp can jam stuff up our asses.