Middle East Dictators Conclude They’re “Definitely the Bad Guys” At Conference

Kremlin.ru [CC BY 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0) or CC BY 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

In a world of constantly changing geopolitical alliances it can be hard to keep up with key issues. A particularly vital one being who’s truly awful as opposed to simply annoying; who’s more ‘North Korea’ than ‘Luxembourg’, if you will. Seeking reassurance, the dictators of the Middle East convened for a conference.

Syrian President Assad opened the proceedings, saying that he was “pretty damn sure” he was one of the bad guys due to his indiscriminate and excessive use of force against his own people. “I haven’t seen a Christmas card from Amnesty International in like, forever. I’m totally bad.”

This was followed by a speech by Iran’s Supreme Leader boasting about his own oppressive rule and his support for others’ oppressive rule, before concluding to a round of applause how his pursuit of nuclear weapons made him the “number one bad guy with a radioactive bullet.”

Egypt’s Sisi, however, was less sure whether he was one of the bad guys, even though he “really wanted to be”. While he may also be “unelected and tyrannical”, he pointed out that much of the political opposition he was killing were “for sure, even worse guys than me”, leaving his status as one of the bad guys in question. The conference voted that it was acceptable for more than one group within a nation to claim “badness” which led to murmurs of relief from the Saudi delegation.