Combating cynicism about different peoples inability to make common cause, a diverse coalition today united to spread highly contagious, and entirely preventable, diseases.
Didactically Insipid People Protesting Your Science (or DIPPYS), brings together smug left coast moms, self righteous fundamentalist Christians, aloof Brooklyn Hasids (ultra-Orthodox Jews), and the Pakistani Taliban (with a little inspiration from Jenny McCarthy). Chairperson, Mrs Fulla Self, a MILF Santa Monica mother of four and all around know-it-all led the announcement. “Yes, we have our differences. But DIPPYS unites in our certainty that only Nature, or ‘God’ as some prefer to call Her, has any business controlling the spread of potentially deadly and entirely preventable pathogens.”
Vice Chair, Reverend Pane D. Oss, of the Christ Holy is Our Church Kingdom Evangelical, echoed these sentiments. “Of course, we at CHOKE know these ‘pathogens’ to be evil spirits. We are thrilled to see these heathens, I mean fellow members, help in God’s plan. Our all-loving God intends for measles to infect 90% of those exposed and kill 1 in every 600 of those infected and disable 1 in every 1000 through encephalitis. Especially children. If He didn’t, He wouldn’t have blessed us with this fine, fine disease.”
Other members of the coalition, Taliban because of fear of drones and Brooklyn Hasids, due to a woman being on the stage, did not attend. The Grand Rabbi of Chazari, however, forwarded a letter. As the note was in Yiddish, it was incomprehensible to all present.
Mrs Fulla Self unveiled a schedule of ‘Measles Parties’ to expose vulnerable children to a potentially deadly pathogen. DIPPYS also plans, with help from Pakistan, to soon host their first ever ‘Polio Party.’ Questioned about rumors that DIPPYS might in the near future obtain small pox, she replied, “Don’t I wish. What a workout for the old immune system!”