Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks Collapsed Over Bottle Deposit Dispute

PA's Saeb Erekat, by Foreign and Commonwealth Office [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

A report issued this week revealed that Israeli-Palestinian peace talks collapsed last year not over territorial or security disagreements but over Israel’s insistence on keeping all proceeds from bottle deposits raised from refreshments served at the meetings.

According to Palestinian sources, negotiators were ready to recognize Israel as the Jewish State and give up the ‘Right of Return’ for Palestinian refugees, but became frustrated by the Israeli refusal to discuss any issues outside of the empty soda bottles accumulated during each round of talks.

“I said, ‘Listen Bibi, we are willing to allow troops to stay in the Jordan Valley if that’s what it takes to get an agreement,’” recalled Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat (sexy man in the image above). “And he responds, ‘Are you going to finish that Sprite or can I take it?’ I had half the bottle left and he just snatched it away!”

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Drinks for the meetings were purchased by the Palestinian Authority, but the PA says it has yet to receive any reimbursement for the deposits collected by the Israeli prime minister. The PA has filed a complaint in the International Criminal Court, calling Israel’s refusal to share the proceeds from the bottle returns a ‘genocide.’

Netanyahu, who has reportedly used the proceeds to purchase pistachio ice cream, called the accusations preposterous. “We weren’t going to let a government that has partnered with Hamas, a terrorist group, keep tens of shekels in bottle returns,” Netanyahu stated. “If the Palestinians are trying to take away the joy Sara and I get from collecting these bottle rebates, it’s clear they never really wanted peace.”