IDF Confirms: “We Shoot Kids Just to Keep the Debate Going”

An IDF spokesperson has confirmed that they only use live rounds when they feel things have become a little too comfortable.

“We’ve got a friend in the White House who’s one tweet away from leveling Tehran and we’ve ordered all the party food for when they move their embassy to Jerusalem. But to be frank all that good news leaves us with an aching sense that we could get into a rut.”

“Thank the Lord for Hamas, we can always rely on those guys to shove some children our way. It’s like they don’t really care who takes a head shot as long as they get some good visuals.”

A Hamas representative commented, “You’d think we’d be satisfied with multiple UN condemnations of the Zionist oppressor. But to be honest we don’t want to be seen to be resting on our laurels. So, 12-year-old Fatima gets a Molotov cocktail and five minutes of fame.”