Benjamin Zona

 

Uncovered: Iranian General Self-Publishes Weather-Themed Anthology of Poetry

Uncovered: Iranian General Self-Publishes Weather-Themed Anthology of Poetry

Allowing the world to glimpse his sensitive side, General Gholam Reza Jalali debuted his book of poetry to a select group of Mullahs and Washington DC city council members on Monday. “In his welcoming he said, “For too long the Zionists have had a lock on literature. Philip Roth, Saul Bellow, that Anne Frank chick. Well now everyone can hear about my existential crisis.” The collection, entitled ‘First They Came for the Clouds’, owes its title to its first piece, which...

Space Force Set to Launch ‘All Those Little Brown Aliens’ into Space

Space Force Set to Launch ‘All Those Little Brown Aliens’ into Space

After nearly two weeks, the United States Space Force has received its first mission; do something with all of the children being held by the government at the border. Today, President Donald Trump announced that he had directed his top Space Force generals, who were among the first to enlist a few days ago, to “take all those little brown kids, strap them to the inside of a rocket, and launch them deep into the furthest reaches of space.” “The...

After Setbacks in Iraq and Syria, ISIS Sets Sights on Broadway

After Setbacks in Iraq and Syria, ISIS Sets Sights on Broadway

Following a series of military losses, the Islamic State is trying its hand at musical theater. “The Soldiers of Allah are excited to present ISIS: The Musical, coming soon to Broadway,” reads the marquee atop the Issac Schlossburg Theater. The show, currently in previews at Hartford Stage, is billed as a riotous, raunchy peak at life in the Caliphate. “We wanted to take ISIS in a new direction,” said the show’s music director Mohammad Al-Anmenken. “A lot of people were...

The Name’s Stein, Palestein

The Name’s Stein, Palestein

In a surprise move, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas announced that a long-term peace agreement has been successfully negotiated. In a joint press conference, the world leaders announced that the State of Israel will cease to exist entirely, being replaced by a unified Jewish-Arab nation called Palestein. “It is time,” said Abbas, “for Palestein to take its rightful place on the Mount Rushmore of great Jewish Steins. Rosenstein, Ben Stein, Palestein. I think it...