Op-Ed: If I Wasn’t an Anti-Semite Before, I Am Now

(Op-Ed by Jeremy Corbyn, Leader of the Labour Party.)

Look. Some of my best friends are Jews. Or were, before all of this. Some of my best friends are also members of Hamas and Hezbollah, I have a lot of friends, ok? Since when is having lots of friends a crime?

I have always stood up for the Jews and any victims of bigotry. In the Labour Party there is no place for it, not anti-Semitism, anti-terrorism, or any of the other anti-isms. By changing the definition of anti-Semitism, I have reduced the number of cases of anti-Semitism in the Labour Party that can be considered anti-Semitic by 98%. So it cannot be said that I am not making serious efforts to clamp down on the Jewish problem.

But after everything I’ve ever done for the Jews – all the times I’ve been forced to come out and say that they’re not all bad; and that anti-Semitism, when people find out about it, is bad; and that it’s a shame the Holocaust happened, but at least the Jews can learn some lessons from it – despite all of that, they’ve turned against me.

The Mainstream Media, run by the Jewish Zionist Mossad, is out to get me. I now keep all my shoes locked in a safe. I’m particularly afraid of revenge after I did not lay a wreath at the grave of some of the Mossad’s victims, even though if I had it would obviously have been because it’s a really effective way of bringing about peace.

But I will not be silent. That’s why I’ve decided to start my own news site, called Jezza’s True News Not Jew News, because clearly there has been a complete infiltration of the media by the Jews. Why else would the media keep reporting things I said and did as though I actually said and did those things?

Now can we talk about something different for once…you know, I’ve heard Hitler was a Zionist.

And be sure to read my other Op-Ed pieces in The Mideast Beast