EU Removes Hamas from Terrorist Blacklist, Adds Billy Joel

The European Court of Justice has removed Hamas from its blacklist of terrorist organizations while adding millions of individuals around the world to it.

According to the Luxembourg-based court’s ruling, “Hamas is rough around the edges, no doubt, but those green bandanas are bang on trend. By laying the smack down on this one rascally group of dashing, daring pranksters, the court has done little to prosecute far greater cultural offenders.”

With Hamas no longer a focal point, the EU has added the following people to its terrorism blacklist:

  • Anyone who uses the terms ‘Synergy’, ‘Paradigm’, or ‘Thinking outside the box.’
  • Any faded pop singer/songwriter who does a Broadway musical that consists of watered down versions of his/her hit songs.
  • Whoever authorized and implemented the dropping of U2’s unannounced new album Songs of Innocence into millions of Apple users’ iTunes accounts.
  • Any individual who begins a sentence with“Call me crazy…and then proceeds to make a singularly trite observation: …but doesn’t today feel like it’s never going to end?”
  • Any boss who turns anyone down for a promotion because “We’ve tailored your current position especially for you!”