With the whirlwind visit of Kim and Kanye in Israel, a possible US-Iran deal, the Russia-Ukraine crisis, and that annoying little problem called Global Warming all currently in full swing, ISIS has responded to being bumped off the trending lists of Google, Twitter and Yahoo! by infusing a dash of color into its normally grainy online offerings: Simpsons yellow, to be precise.
“It’s a bitch, trying to ensure that our programs go viral each time. Conquering a Syrian border town? Please. Try increasing online market share after Obama decides to go on the Colbert Report. That skit’s all over the Internet right now,” exclaimed ISIS Digital Marketing Director Sammy Ahdout.
According to Nielsen Online Campaign Ratings, the extremist jihadist rebel group has seen the popularity of its hangings, beheadings, burnings, stonings and crucifixions plummet in recent days.
To reverse the trend, ISIS has decided to broadcast its future executions as a collection of short cartoons, hiring a disgruntled former animation director from The Simpsons. “Let’s call it Jihad: The Animated Series. Research shows that kids instantly perk up when a colorful cartoon character hops onto their screen and this reaction doesn’t change as we grow up,” Ahdout explained.
“‘We will drown all of you in blood’ is a complicated message to convey. However, the right combination of voiceover, text and animation can make even our call for worldwide genocide as appealing as a scoop of vanilla ice cream,” ISIS’s online guru concluded. “Just don’t confuse what’s all over it with raspberry sauce.”