In a surprising departure from the usual subjects of their press conferences, the Palestinian Authority (PA) have astounded regional neighbours by announcing that they are to establish their own centralized bank – The West Bank.
A PA spokesperson released an official statement: “It’s about time we look after our own money. Do you know how much foreign aid we get? Well, a lot actually but nowhere near what the Zionists get! Time to start looking out for own Benjamins. Come on, did you see what Hamas did with our money? Sure, those tunnels might’ve looked good at first, until the Israelis bombed the living shite out of them. What a waste! That $90 million blown on tunnels could’ve easily been invested in more practical forms of terrorist activity. Fucking amateurs.”
The spokesperson went on to explain the PA’s vision for The West Bank. “Branches will open all across the West Bank – hell, even in the settlements, because everyone knows that settlers are loaded; the Zionists pay them to be there! We’re likely to expand into East Jerusalem, because quite frankly it’s a shithole and it could do with a bit of added class. Maybe we could even sponsor one or two of those crazy right-wing Jewish riots, but only if our branches are in the background when the riots are on TV. Can you say, ‘free publicity, homie!’”
Questioned about whether the PA would seek to establish West Bank branches in Gaza, the spokesperson was outraged: “What? Put our precious foreign aid where those Hamas-tards could get at it? If you want emotional propaganda with the full human-shield treatment, you go to Gaza. But if you want your money invested in more subtle forms of aggression, you come to us. And that’s just one of our many banking promises we’ll make to our customers.’
Barring any outbreak of violence between Jewish and Muslim fucktards, which is totally unlikely, the bank’s first branch is slated to open in late 2016 with the motto, ‘The West Bank, it’s the bomb, baby!’”