Trump Apologizes to Animals for Omarosa Comparison

Speaking to the press, President Donald Trump, who is not known for apologizing, apologized. “Last week I compared Omarosa to an animal. That was harsh, and I should not have done that.”

“There are a great many animals to which I could’ve compared her to, like the chimpanzee, but that would have been very harsh. That would’ve been very unfair to the chimpanzee.”

“And let me just say, nobody knows animals like Donald Trump. Animals love Donald Trump. I have a lot of friends who are animals and they all say very, very great things about me. The fake news media will not tell you this but, animal unemployment has just been recorded to be the lowest rate ever. Period. End of story. Somebody please inform Jay-Z.”

Several notable figures have praised the President for his statement, including former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke who tweeted: “So much compassion from Prez. Loves animals. I don’t often make this comparison, but we all know how much Hitler loved his Alsatian.”