Survey: Saudis are Mideast’s Most Avid Fisters; Iran #1 in Flogging, Scat

A new Harvard study suggests a direct link between radical Islamist regimes and high rates of sexual deviancy among their citizens. According to sexologists at the Ivy League school’s renowned Center for the Research of Atypical Hominoid Practices (CRAHP), the results prove their long-held theory that “the crueler the ruler, the kinkier the commoner.”

Entitled The Unholy Link between Religious Repression & Sexual Perversion, CRAHP’s sexological inquiry – which focused on web users in the Middle East – combined anonymous online polling with data from adult dating sites and analysis of popular porn search terms to rank 16 countries along its ‘Kinkey Scale.’ Below are the top five states per major category:

  • Spanking: Saudi Arabia (1), Iran (2), Syria (3), Turkey (4), Palestine (5)
  • Flogging: Iran (1), Saudi Arabia (2), Yemen (3), Syria (4), Bahrain (5)
  • Rimming: Saudi Arabia (1), Iran (2), Iraq (3), UAE (4), Israel/Lebanon (5)
  • Fisting: Saudi Arabia (1), Iran (2), Syria (3), Yemen (4), Oman (5)
  • Erotic electrostimulation: Saudi Arabia (1), Iran (2), Syria (3), Iraq (4), Qatar (5)
  • Urolagnia (piss play): UAE (1), Iran (2), Saudi Arabia (3), Syria (4), Jordan (5)
  • Scatophillia (poo play): Iran (1), Saudi Arabia (2), Yemen (3), Syria (4), Qatar (5)

Using the full 20 category results to calculate each country’s overall rank, CRAHP crowned Wahhabi-ruled Saudi Arabia “the Middle East’s King of Kink,” followed closely by the similarly restrictive Islamic Republic of Iran. Syria, Yemen and Iraq – all of which are ruled in part by Islamists – rounded out the top five. Israel – despite its reputation as the region’s most sexually libertine nation – ranked last, leading CRAHP to conclude “Israeli sexual habits are far less chocolate than Tel Aviv’s Gay Pride Parade would have us believe.”

 

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