Hamas and FIFA have decided to team up and provide camps for kids, sources familiar with the matter have told The Mideast Beast.
“We’ve been looking to work together for a long time,” explained a FIFA official. “We are two of the largest recipients in illicit Qatari funding, so our eventual partnership was practically inevitable.”
The camps, which will be located in Gaza, are expected to provide fantastic programming for young athletes, promising to develop not only campers’ soccer skills but also valuable job skills necessary to succeed in the Hamas-controlled economy.
“We are incredibly excited about the programming we’ve put in place,” expressed a Hamas official. “The campers will start off with soccer lessons in the morning, led by some of our favorite soccer players, Nicholas Anelka and Giorgos Katidis. In the early afternoon, the campers will get their lessons in essential life skills, such as the virtues of using violence for conflict resolution. At night, the youngest and most nimble campers will receive training to flourish in the local labor market, including first-hand experience digging tunnels. They’re learning from all of the Nepalese and Indian deaths in getting Qatar ready for 2022.
The exact dates of the camp are still being negotiated. “Historically, FIFA has run its soccer camps in the summer, during June and July, when the camps would not conflict with any with school schedules or any other soccer leagues,” a FIFA official said, displaying a calendar on his limited-edition, platinum-plated iMac and wiping his face with several one hundred dollar bills. “But we’ve been talking with some Qatari officials who think the camps should take place in the winter due to the summer heat, and those Qataris can be pretty persuasive.”
While FIFA is no corruption novice, the FIFA donations to the Clinton Foundation did shock Bill-lovers worldwide.