Special TMB Report: What’s Inside the ‘Nazi Gold Train’?

Obtained from leaked Polish government documents, The Mideast Beast has compiled a list of the contents of the Nazi Gold Train hidden near the polish town of Walbrych:

 

  • 150 pounds of pyrite gathered by some soldier named Hans who thought he struck it big
  • A delicately wrapped gold ring that Hitler was supposed to propose to Eva Braun with
  • A concentration camp-bound Jew who’s starting to think the Nazis put him on the wrong train
  • Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction
  • Obama’s Birth Certificate
  • Edward Snowden
  • A signed letter by Heinrich Himmler telling conspiracy theorists not to get cocky just because they got it right on goddamned time
  • A large file cabinet of unpublished inspirational Winston Churchill quotes the S.S. was trying to keep classified
  • Collection of Donald Trump’s lost hair pieces.
  • A lovely bejeweled crown Netanyahu has his eyes on and believes “should probably cover reparations.”