After nearly two weeks, the United States Space Force has received its first mission; do something with all of the children being held by the government at the border. Today, President Donald Trump announced that he had directed his top Space Force generals, who were among the first to enlist a few days ago, to “take all those little brown kids, strap them to the inside of a rocket, and launch them deep into the furthest reaches of space.”
“The goal of the Space Force program,” Trump said Sunday, “is to demonstrate American superiority in every arena. We believe that launching thousands of little brown aliens back to their home among the stars is the best way to demonstrate both America’s military might and compassion.”
When pressed by a CNN reporter on whether he understood that the children being detained at the border were just from another country and not actual space aliens, the President immediately announced a second launch to teleport the entirety of the press corps into the nearest black hole.
Upon receiving the news, Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas said he admired President Trump’s strategy for getting rid of his problems and was looking into forming his own Space Force to “launch those filthy Zionist occupiers face-first into the Sun.”