‘Silent intifada’ stems from ‘micro-penis’ complex

A recent study from the Hebrew University in Jerusalem has found that the ongoing ‘silent Intifada’ is a direct result of Palestinian leaders’ so-called ‘micro-penis complex’.

The study’s head researcher Dr. Avi Cohen explained; “There is nothing more phallic than terror attacks, you know, apart from actual penises. Stabbing at something and exploding onto or into people are both highly sexually symbolic. We would assume someone commanding others to commit these sorts of attacks in such volume is obviously overcompensating for something. During the last Intifada, we saw these sorts of attacks all the time and we couldn’t understand why someone would do that.

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Later, when Arafat died and we saw the body during the autopsy, all the pieces came together. As we expected, his biggest body part was his mouth.”

At the time of writing, no one can be entirely sure what the Israeli Prime Minister is overcompensating for. There are concerns, however, that if his personal security team giggles at him in the showers just one more time, there’s going to be hell to pay. As for Israel’s boisterous and chunky Foreign Minister, The Israeli Daily cannot confirm why his nickname is ‘toothpick’.