Shimon Peres Slated as Guest Contestant in New Season of America’s Next Top Model

The CW Television Network today announced that America’s Next Top Model’s upcoming 22nd season will include former Israeli President Shimon Peres among the contestants. Network CEO Mark Pedowitz was just giddy. “We saw Peres at a Hollywood United Jewish Appeal thing. Thought sure, put him on next season as a judge with Tyra Banks. Add a little class. He didn’t go to Harvard either, but his honorary degree is you know, a real degree. Anyway, Peres says, ‘why a judge and not a contestant?’ The guy’s a genius! That’s like television gold right there.”

Peres was equally delighted. “Often I say that Israel has no natural resources save our minds. But I’ve come to realize that this view fails to adequately recognize my own rocking nonagenarian physique.” Peres went onto explain that he thought his appearance might even help his dream of Arab-Israeli peace. “All people; Jew, Muslim, and Christian, have more in common than we recognize. We all love our children. We all pray for the future. And we all get excited over bodacious tatas and steel abs like mine, albeit covered in a little hanging skin.”

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Opinion writer and long-time ANTM fan, Tom Friedman, agreed. “Look, after 22 seasons, this will be the make or break year. This is the one to watch. Peres not only brings a certain gravitas that the show’s long needed, but also sculpted Adonis thighs. I for one can’t wait to tune in.”

Previous Middle East politics/reality television mash-ups ended with mixed results. Yasser Arafat’s stint as a guest judge has long been considered one of the highpoints of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Conversely, Bashar al-Assad proved a disaster on The Bachelor when his selection, beautician and gymnast Misty Rabinowitz, returned the final rose, commenting, “Bad enough a mass murdering psychopath, but an ophthalmologist? Jesus.”