Senior Saudi Arabian Minister Rejects Rapprochement with Israel

Saudi Commerce Minister His Royal Freshness Prince Nash bin Baba Al-Saud stated on Tuesday that the rash of rumors about dialogue between Riyadh and Jerusalem is little more than a Zionist ruse.

“Get real, cousin. This whole ‘from foe to friend’ plotline is as hackneyed as The Dark Night Rises. Jewish screenplay writers in Hollywood have been secretly whipping up and spreading these fairy tales. Coincidentally, Dark Night Rises happens to be my fifth wife’s nickname for my ‘little highness’.”

During an interview given on the deck of his 150-meter mega-yacht, ‘Ocean’s 11 Inches’, Prince Nash reiterated, while repeatedly refilling his glass with Diet Pink Grapefruit from a SodaStream machine, that “Nope. No trade here with any Zionist raiders. None. Hey, can you pass me some of those delicious, exotic cherry tomatoes imported from a perfectly non-Zionistic country?”

Yachting off the coast of a country he describes only as ‘generically Mediterranean’, the Saudi Commerce Minister added: “As long as the genocide in Palestine continues, the Saudi Arabian government will continue to hold the Zionist interlopers responsible. And what’s up with that siege of Gaza? Tacky, man.”

The normally gregarious royal could not be reached for comment a few days later when an Instagram of him standing next to an Iron Dome battery in the Israeli city of Ashdod went viral.