Foreign Ministers from around the world are admitting today that there would be a lot more concrete action on the ‘Islamic State’ if Paris weren’t just so damn delightful in the early autumn sunshine.
John Kerry confessed “I swear I was absolutely going to make a detailed report to the conference, but then I looked out of my hotel room this morning at the sun glittering like molten gold over the Seine, the smell of fresh baked croissants wafted up from a local boulangerie, and I have to be honest I thought ‘fuck it’, I don’t want to be cooped up in a windowless conference room in what will be yet another complete sausage fest. I’m going for a walk.”
He added “I was in Iraq last week. Have you been there recently? It’s a complete hellhole. If you need me I’ll be on the Left Bank considering lunch options.”
Iraqi President Fuad Masum was unusually relaxed as he strolled through the Jardin des Tuileries, “I’m just having an ice cream and a chill out, I’ve only been in power for a few weeks and already I’m regretting it. Everyone is mental back in Baghdad, but here there’s fresh air, amazing chicks and more Michelin stared restaurants than you can shake a baguette at. I’m never going back.”
Francois Hollande expressed little surprise, “Paris is a real gem; secret is it’s because we’ve never bothered to defend it during war time. I’ve told my fellow delegates we should bear that in mind when the head choppers reach Baghdad. More champagne?”