27-year-old New Jersey native, Tony Marini, was taken into custody by the FBI earlier today under suspicion of connections to the terrorist organization, Hamas. Marini has been denying the association since his arrest. The connection in question? Marini’s HBOGo account.
A months-long FBI sting uncovered the fact that Hamas leader, Khaled Mashal, has been watching Game of Thrones via Marini’s account.
“I don’t know how that happened!” exclaims Marini from behind bars, still maintaining his innocence. I mean, I know I shouldn’t, but I lend out my login to my buddies. Tommy, Steve, and Mike all use my account. And you know how HBOGo works, there’s no limit to how many people can use it. So the second anyone lets out their login, it spreads like wildfire!” Marini maintains that his friends must have told their friends, who told yet more people and so on, all the way to Khaled Mashal in Damascus.
“I’ve never even been outside the tri-state area, and I don’t know the head of Hummus, or whatever the fuck it’s called,” Marini said, “although… now that I think about it, it does explain all those complaints to HBO from my account about the historical inaccuracy of the Holocaust episode of Band of Brothers.”