Netanyahu: ‘Winter Is Coming’

Aides of Benjamin Netanyahu expressed frustration this week at the PM’s new habit of quoting Game of Thrones in official government communications. Aides say they noticed something was off when Netanyahu called a press conference to discuss the recent breakdown in the coalition government and concluded with: “Prepare, my friends, winter is coming.”

Reports indicate this all began when the Mossad hacked the computer of Hamas’ leader and obtained his HBOGo account credentials, which were presented to the PM in an intelligence briefing.  Netanyahu insisted on analyzing the findings personally and emphasized he should not be disturbed for the next three days. One staffer reportedly saw the PM raiding a pantry for Slim Jims and Mountain Dew at 2am, while another staffer spotted him emptying trashcans full of tissues. When Netanyahu finally emerged, he explained that the evidence was, “Certainly very stimulating,” but lamented that he was fighting off a cold, so if anyone saw him emptying trash cans full of tissues, that’s obviously why.

“It’s getting really annoying,” one aide said. “It started off innocent, addressing women in the office as ‘My Lady,’ but it’s getting worse. He insists his daily briefings should be renamed ‘Small Council Meetings’ and is adamant that meeting minutes are taken in both Hebrew and High Valyrian. The other day, I heard him on the phone with President Obama offering assurances that ‘A Netanyahu always pays his debts.’”

Sources familiar with the matter say the PM will next commence a Boardwalk Empire marathon to learn how reasonable people settle conflicts.