Natural Gas Discovery ‘Will Not Hurt Israeli Values’, Says Top 1% of Income Earners

The recently discovered gas fields off the coast of Israel will most likely set the Hebrews on a course to become a major energy power in the Middle East. Following a meeting of powerful figures in Jerusalem, a number of officials were quoted on how this may change Israel. “The future export of natural gas, while certainly upping our power in the region, will not have a negative impact on Israeli values,” said one Israeli official, as he was drooling while window-shopping at the Rolls Royce dealership in Tel Aviv.

Trying on his new $95,000 Dormeuil suit, another official remarked, “All Ministers of Parliament have agreed that very specific economic laws must come into existence to ensure that corruption does not take over.” One Supreme Court judge, admiring his new 24-karat gold-plated gavel stated, “Strict financial rulings will most certainly help play a role in keeping corruption to a minimum. Now tell me this Versace ‘justice-robe’ doesn’t look good on me.”

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To ensure healthy economic competition and a free market, a number of companies will be given contracts to extract and export the natural gas. One CEO was kind enough to comment to The Mideast Beast, “If this takes off, I’m definitely running for King of Israel.”

An official from Ministry of Wasting Taxpayers Money who attended the meeting said, “I walked into the room and everyone was already wearing Saudi thobes. Let’s just say I’m less than hopeful.”

In related news, Arab leaders throughout the region collectively expressed their feelings about Israel’s status as a rising energy power: “Fuck!”