As the Middle East descends into utter warfare and chaos, political scientists and other nerds are worried that all hell will break will lose, particularly in their March Madness daft picks.
“I used to be so confident. I knew who was ahead, who had the training. But then the Houthis rise to the top? Total sleepers, I swear!” said one analyst.
“I’ve made some mistakes, like calling ISIS a J.V. team” admitted U.S. President Barack Obama, fan of basketball and Middle East turbulence. “They’re in a really good position this year. They’ve really turned themselves around.”
Some analysts are graver. “What’s happening right now is not a joke. This could lead to a rise in all sorts of atrocities and human rights violations, such as torture. Like, for me, if the Houthi lose, I have to watch that nyan cat video for twenty minutes,” said another analyst. “I’m really pulling for Iran to save the day in the last quarter.”
Other concerns are ice bucket challenges, having to pay for beer, and irreversible destruction of the most unstable region on Earth.
“You win some, you lose some,” shrugged one, adding that he’s now rooting for Saudi Arabia. When asked if she thinks the United States could come out on top this year, however, the analyst turned firm. “I’m not someone who just roots for the underdog.”