Reports that Israel’s leftist Labor Party’s Chairman, Isaac ‘Bougie’ Herzog lost his Apple ipod nano multi-touch weren’t thought to have much impact on Israel’s upcoming elections. Sure, it’s embarrassing – what grown man owns a Nano? – but at least there was no risk of leaked emails or humiliating selfies. That brief relief vanished as the still unidentified finder of Herzog’s Nano began releasing his workout mix, two songs at a time.
Chanel 10 was the first to carry the revelation. “We’ve already learned that the playlist titled Sweatin’ Music includes Nicklebacks’ What Are You Waiting For and Toto’s I Bless the Rain Down in Africa. Our analysts agreed that while problematic, Labor could survive the damage.”
Labor’s hopes of minimal fallout, however, were quickly dashed once the possessor of the stolen Nano revealed that the next songs on the list were Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart and 5 Seconds of Summer’s She Looks so Perfect. Election analyst, Bre KN Record saw these revelations as devastating. “What Israeli can trust security to someone who works out to such a list? It couldn’t be worse if they had footage of Herzog doing Zumba Aerobics in a leotard and legwarmers.”
Labor initially denial any link between the Nano and Herzog. This became impossible when the mysterious holder Instagramed a photo of the back of the device engraved ‘Bougie’s Beat Box.’ Matters only grew worse when tracks from the Gettin’ Sexy list were also leaked including: Hold my Hand by Hootie and the Blowfish, as well as John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland.
Meanwhile, a gleeful Bibi released the one and only song to which he listens. “Haven’t you watched my campaign? I’m ‘All About That Base!’”