ISIS sends ‘thank-you’ letter to Israeli government

While there is no official confirmation from the Israeli government (what else is new), it is alleged that Israeli fighter jets recently delivered a surprising 500-pound ‘wazzup?’ into a Syrian military facility in broad daylight. According to eyewitness accounts, warplanes plastered with Stars of David ‘blasted the holy harem out of a missile depot’ just outside Damascus. President Assad released a statement saying, “Only the Zionists could have broken through our piece of shit air defenses. Always the Jews.”

Stories about the blasts reverberated around Syria’s killing fields, where screams of ‘God is Great’ could be heard. According to one ISIS member, “You know, I never thought I’d say this but those dirty little Zionists have proved that ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’; may Allah bless the Israel Air Force! We must write a thank-you letter. But just for clarity, we still hate Zionists. I mean, what kind of lunatics think they can just steal land and create a new state?”

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Comments of appreciation poured into the inbox of chisel jawed, part-time pin-up, and full-time Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. One of his aides did hear him say, “I’m not saying we did it but if we did, is there any possibility that they’ll take the focus off of me for just one fucking minute?”