Hard partying senior level diplomats in Vienna have brought the Iranian nuclear talks to a screeching halt. An outbreak of laryngitis has been diagnosed as causing the sudden derailment of negotiations over Iran’s atomic ambitions.
On Saturday night, British Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond and French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius were seen slam dancing during ’80s night at Fledermaus, one of Vienna’s hottest nightclubs.
Fabius was last heard yelling “Hey Phil, wake me up before you go-go!” before passing out in a pool of his own vomit behind the bar and underneath the bartender.
In another part of the city, several eyewitnesses confirm that US Secretary of State John Kerry and his Iranian counterpart did body shots off young American tourists inside the legendary Kaktusbar. “Less filling tastes great, isn’t that right Jay?” Kerry was overhead prodding the Iranian Foreign Minister. “Just like your sanctions regime, Jack-O!” was the response.
And just outside of Vienna, European Union foreign policy chief Catherine Ashton was filmed by several shocked audience members whipping her brassiere around during a rendition of Dancing Queen during the ‘Abba Gold – The Concert Show’.
“I have never seen a white woman with less rhythm,” observed another fan of the Swedish pop group, China’s top diplomat, Wang Yi.
Because of the weekend debauchery, a new debate has broken out between Iran and the world powers; “Who the hell is going to tell Putin we’ve lost his Ambassador.”