Iran Destroys Millions of Sex Toys in “Night of Burning Rubber”

TEHRAN – Acrid smoke blanketed Iran’s capital yesterday after an estimated 120 tons of confiscated sex toys were burned in what media outlets have dubbed “Dildonacht.”

At sundown, a succession of lorries began emptying the confiscated objects into a massive bonfire in Tehran’s iconic Azadi Square, which one onlooker, 62-year-old Kamran Mahmedinejizz, described as “a spectacular inferno” and “a fitting response to a national moral emergency.” Others complained of intense coughing and difficulty breathing, and health officials were soon forced to distribute facemasks to help residents cope with the noxious black cloud that rapidly enveloped the city.

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The fiery spectacle was repeated in other urban centers such as Shiraz, Tabriz, Isfahan, Mashhad and the holy city of Qom, and follows nation-wide raids by the Gasht-e-Ersha­dIran’s morality police ­­– during which over a million dildos were seized, as well as clitoral pumps, nipple clamps, anal beads, prostate massagers and Sabian saddles.

In a televised address earlier in the week, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei – employing rhetoric he used after banning genital piercing – vowed to “purify the Islamic Republic of these devilish instruments of Western depravity.” He then singled out Israel, accusing it of “state-sponsored cultural terrorism” for purportedly orchestrating the flood of sex toy imports, vowing to “not only wipe Iranian bedrooms clean of this plague of perversion, but so too the earth of the satanic-Sodomitic Zionist regime.”

When approached by The Mideast Beast, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s spokesman declined to comment.

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