Hamas unveils anti-UAV laser

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Hamas has developed a remarkable new weapon system that could be used to shoot down unmanned drones. The humanitarian group received a $20 million grant from the Islamic State (IS) Office of Blasphemy Research to build a vehicle-mounted laser to shoot down the hated “flying tools of the Great Satan.”

The Ground Laser Air Defense (GLAD) system uses a pickup-mounted platform that leverages “green” technology to power the 25kW laser. “Apparently the laser is powered by the tears of Palestinian children,” a Hamas spokesman said. “To be honest I’m not so caught up on the whole ‘science’ thing. But I’m confident ‘tear power’ will be the next big thing .Kids around here always seem to be crying about something. I suppose that’s what happens when you use a Palestinian kid like a Spartan shield.”

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Hamas is taking the threat of enemy drones seriously. “These cowards will never stop denying our humanitarian agenda,” wrote I-Zheet M’Drurz, chief strategist and senior cave digger, in a pre-released statement last week. “GLAD will provide hope for the citizens of Gaza while giving these screaming children something worthwhile to cry about. These people offer myriad other possibilities for future battlefield applications.”

One IDF spokesman commented, “Funnily enough, our current drones are coming to the end of their service life, so we were planning on just dive-bombing them in anyway. So, whatever.”