In a statement the group described ideal trading conditions as the reason behind the announcement saying ISIS, Tony Blair and the Zionist Union had approached them for advice.
“Every left wing person seems to love Hamas across the world,” said the Zionist Union, “We want to know their secret to win the election for us and I guess also for Israel, who we have to pretend to like for a bit.”
“We may be shit at destroying Israel and killing Jews,” Khaled Mashal admitted, “But we’re good at fooling people. I mean we can burn effigies of Jews in the streets and people still think we’re the victims. Now that’s good PR.”
“Killing gays, Christians and using human shields. If it’s bad, we’ve probably done it and definitely managed to pull the wool over people’s eyes.”
But Mashal admitted that being so successful at PR can make terror a lonely business. “Just look at ISIS, everyone is talking about how devilish they are and if not people are going from all over to join them. The only people who join us from abroad tend to be middle class loons looking for their next alternative Gap Year destination.”
Shares will open trading on the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange for new company, No Apologies, at 500 shekels.