Hamas and Israel United in Confusion over U2 Album Outrage

The Israel Defense Force (IDF) and combatants in Gaza have found common ground, as they try to comprehend how people can be more upset by a free soft rock album than the intractable problems of the Middle East.

Yona Greenberg, Music Review Editor of the IDF commented, “I mean I appreciate that it’s no ‘Achtung Baby’, but I really think people need to get a sense of perspective. You do realize we haven’t resolved shit over here yet, right? I mean we could quite literally be back at each other throats at any moment. Under those circumstances, it will not be ‘A Beautiful Day’ by the standards of any music lover.”

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Muhammad Ali, Head of Critical Music Appreciation with Hamas noted “I think if Miley Cyrus launched her new album by ‘twerking’ all around the Holy City of Jerusalem, I could see a reason for outrage, but getting a free copy of what is in essence a rehash of ‘All That You Can’t Leave Behind’, seems to be a reason for vague annoyance, if anything.”

Right before being strafed by an F-16, one ‘Islamic State’ spokesmen said, “Honestly, it doesn’t bother us so much. But just to be clear, we will be cutting your head off for listening to it. Not because of our ban on music, though. We just think Bono’s politics are bat shit crazy.”

The Islamic State’s comment on Bono may be the only common ground many people will find with the organization that has an odd aversion to people with heads attached to their bodies.