War

Paris too distracting for decision makers
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Paris too distracting for decision makers

Foreign Ministers from around the world are admitting today that there would be a lot more concrete action on the ‘Islamic State’ if Paris weren’t just so damn delightful in the early autumn sunshine. John Kerry confessed “I swear I was absolutely going to make a detailed report to the conference, but then I looked out of my hotel room...

Bomb maker’s death raises concerns about children and plastic explosives
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Bomb maker’s death raises concerns about children and plastic explosives

“Whatever you do, you must not push this button,” the elderly bomb-maker tells the 10-year old boy as he shows the child the suicide vest. “This button?” the boy replies, pushing the button and separating the bomb-maker into two. Today, the death has ignited a powerful debate on the dangers of children and explosives, and whether responsible bomb makers should...

Israel cannot name sixth submarine
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Israel cannot name sixth submarine

A serious row has broken out in the upper echelons of the Israeli Navy, over the name of their 6th German built U-boat. The current names, Dolphin, Whale, Crocodile, Revival, and Splendour may all soon be joined by Duck-Bill Platypus or Manatee. “I refuse to command a ship named after something with a permanent smile on it’s face” said Yossi...

Bomb Shelter, Bomb Shells!
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Bomb Shelter, Bomb Shells!

With the recent upsurge in rocket fire thanks to Switzerland-by-the-Sea, Israelis living in the South have taken to using their bomb shelters, which has displaced their normal residents. “This shit is getting ridiculous. There’s almost no where to smoke and have sex with my boyfriend” complained an anonymous 12-year-old girl from Sderot. “It’s really unfair.”
 “Yea, it’s terrible,” complained Mohamed...

Hamas unveils anti-UAV laser
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Hamas unveils anti-UAV laser

Hamas has developed a remarkable new weapon system that could be used to shoot down unmanned drones. The humanitarian group received a $20 million grant from the Islamic State (IS) Office of Blasphemy Research to build a vehicle-mounted laser to shoot down the hated “flying tools of the Great Satan.” The Ground Laser Air Defense (GLAD) system uses a pickup-mounted...

Governor Jay Nixon calls on IDF
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Governor Jay Nixon calls on IDF

Dissatisfied with the performance of the National Guard, Governor Jay Nixon calls on the IDF to “bring order to the chaos” in Ferguson. As violence in Ferguson spirals out of control, Missouri Governor Jay Nixon is calling for help from an unlikely source: Benjamin Netanyahu, the Full-Time Israeli Prime Minister and part-time over-50s Gap Model. The Governor spoke before a...

Hamas gives Ultimatum on Airport via Instagram
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Hamas gives Ultimatum on Airport via Instagram

Day 44 Since the collapse of the peace talks in Cairo, Hamas made an announcement via Instagram video of their latest request, followed by a threat. In poor Hebrew and using the 1977 filter, Hamas operatives stated “If we don’t get the 100 million NIS airport with a complete water park, KFC, and the nice security line that doesn’t make...