In an effort to push back against an increasing intolerance towards political dissent in their country, more than 150 Saudi writers and intellectuals have signed an open letter denouncing “behead culture.” The letter comes amidst a growing number of cases in which Saudis were beheaded for seemingly mundane offenses, such as mildly criticizing Sharia Law or citing evidence that mass...
After successfully turning Hagia Sophia into a mosque, Turkish President and Middle Eastern Gollum look-alike, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, announced he now plans to convert the recently opened Istanbul Airport into a Muslim house of worship. Erdogan proposed handing the airport over to the Religious Affairs Directorate, which would close the $12 billion hub to air traffic and instead create a...
Calling it a momentous step towards recognition of the LGBTQ+ community, Saudi Arabia announced that all homosexuals executed during pride month would be hung from a rainbow noose or beheaded with a rainbow-colored ax. Though human rights activists said much further process remains necessary, the announcement marks a major step forward for gay equality in the kingdom. “We have a...
Many people have questioned Prime Minister Netanyahu’s claims that the Israeli security community supports his annexation plan, mainly due to the fact that several security experts say they don’t. After weeks of back and forth, these differing viewpoints led Netanyahu to finally admit that, yes 100% of security chiefs support him, he just hasn’t hired them yet. “It’s only a...
After years of protest from white people offended by the name “Redskins,” the Washington D.C. football franchise announced that it will change its name and begin the 2020 season as the “Washington Towelheads.” “Given the D.C. Metro area’s growing Arab population, we wanted to honor this new potential fanbase,” team owner Daniel Snyder said. “I Googled ‘nicknames for Arabs,’ and...
Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad has called off his attacks on the country’s Sunni population after reading Angela de Robin’s bestseller Alawite Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for Alawite Dictators to Talk About Sectarianism. Assad, who had waged a nearly decade-long war on his country’s Sunnis and Kurds, said the book opened his eyes to his own subconscious bias against Muslims...
The United Nations has launched a second UN Relief and Works Agency to support refugees from the now-defunct nation of CHAZ. The agency, which will be called UNRWA II, will provide services for the dozens of refugees evicted from their country when the regime of Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan invaded and ethnically cleansed the enclave. “Many of those forced to...
In a bid to protect his wax figure at Madame Tussauds, President Trump recently signed an executive order protecting confederate monuments. This order decreed that although these statues remind many of a reign of terror and bloodshed against their families, the statues are necessary reminders of historical truths. Real Americans, Trump says, do not topple intimate objects, which is why...
Looking to find a compromise between proponents of keeping the site as a museum and those looking to turn it into a mosque, President Donald Trump has released a plan to turn the famed Hagia Sophia in Istanbul into a state-of-the-art casino. Trump’s proposal comes as a Turkish court considers a plan to turn the UNESCO World Heritage Site, which...
In a move the administration is calling “historic,” the Trump administration announced this morning that the United States of America intends on admitting the State of Israel into the Union by August as the official the 51st State. “We already give them huge amounts of money each year to buy weapons that are ours anyhow,” Trump wrote in a tweet...
The Palestinian Authority continues to protest Netanyahu’s plans for unilateral annexation of parts of the West Bank as destructive to the peace process and denies Palestinians their historic right to say “No” to literally any other solution that might actually work. Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas said in a public statement that the Palestinian people would not be denied their historical...
The latest public reckoning around racist, or as academia calls them “controversial,” figures befell Princeton University this weekend as activists pushed for the removal of Woodrow Wilson’s name from the School of International Affairs. In a surprise move the administration agreed with the students, stating that the name “International Affairs” is outdated and should be replaced with something more representative...
In his new tell-all, The Room Where It Happened, former National Security Advisor John Bolton makes an array of shocking allegations, with information coming from inside the walls of the Trump White House. What has gone uncovered by conventional media, however, is the previously undisclosed assertion that the 2003 invasion of Iraq was, at least on some level, about access...
The Mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio announced this week that due to Coronavirus restriction infractions by the Jewish community, Jews will be required to wear an identifying mark. The measure was an effort to allow the police to easily identify and stop Jews from doing anything that the State felt was detrimental to society in general. When asked...
FBI investors have determined that NASCAR racer Bubba Wallace was not the victim of a terror attack after an investigation revealed that the black curtain hanging over his window was not, in fact, an ISIS flag. Wallace called police after entering his home and finding what appeared to be the black ISIS flag hanging in front of his window. The...
In what has been described as a daring PR stunt, women fighters in Syrian Kurdistan have produced a 15-minute pornographic video of an alien-themed Sapphic six-way. “We simply weren’t getting appropriate media attention by combating ISIS through a historical tradition of disciplined military training,” said Berdil Baran, a lieutenant of the Women’s Protection Unit (YPJ) in an interview. “Really, we’re...
After months of speculation about the nature of Israel’s looming annexation, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has shocked the world. Instead of annexing the West Bank, Israel will formally take control of an area in Seattle known as the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ). Israel’s Ambassador to the United States, Ron Dermer, told The Mideast Beast that the decision to...
Stemming from weeks of Black Lives Matter protests, the UK and the European Union announced that racism has no home within their borders, which is why they leave asylum seekers to die right outside of them. As opposed to the United States, Europe has always had a stellar record of keeping racism out, mainly by only enslaving people in colonies...
Palestinian activists are accusing the Capital Hill Autonomous Zone of appropriating Palestinian culture after they made up their own country in six square blocks of Seattle. “It’s not fair” one Palestinian in Ramallah said, “these white people steal everything: hummus, rioting, and now making up their own countries in random places?” For nearly two weeks, six city blocks of Seattle...
After initial excitement that the Covid-19 pandemic might be signaling the end of times, Evangelical Christians across America’s suburbs and non-coastal nothing-lands are disappointed. Only around 300 people have died of the virus in Israel and the Palestinian Territories. “I reread the Book of Revelation, and it just all of the sudden made sense to me,” said Gerald Flurry, a...
