With Congress debating the next round of stimulus funding in response to the COVID-19 pandemic, a group of international affairs analysts led by former Obama advisor Ben Rhodes is demanding a federal bailout. The proposal would create a universal basic income, or UBI, for experts in the Middle East who are no longer employable in their field due to years...
The United Nations General Assembly passed a resolution Tuesday condemning the concept of peace after leaders from the US, Israel, the UAE and Bahrain signed the Abraham Accords normalizing relations between Israel and the Arab Gulf countries. The resolution, which passed 157 to 7 with 15 abstentions, called peace a “crime against humanity and a Zionist tool.” “Peace is a...
San Francisco State University (SFSU) President Lynn Mahoney is under fire after defending the university’s decision to invite Palestinian terrorist Leila Khaled to take part in a university event via Zoom later this month. In an email she explained that “an invitation to a public figure to speak to a class should not be construed as an endorsement of a...
Israel has taken another step towards acceptance in the Arab World, agreeing to sign a landmark normalization agreement with New York-based fast-casual Middle Eastern chain “The Halal Guys.” The deal was announced just days after the country, long an outcast in the Muslim world, was officially recognized by Bahrain. Israeli Prime Minister is set arrive on Wednesday in Manhattan, where...
With rising coronavirus infections and a government that seems about as capable of handling the pandemic as a quadriplegic in a three-legged race, Israel has started re-imposing restrictions on the public to prevent the spread of the coronavirus. The government announced earlier this week that they were closing restaurants, gyms, and retail stores to everyone…except for rich people and politicians....
After over a month of silence from the White House around the tragic explosion in Beirut, the President finally spoke up about his generous plans to help the city rebuild, announcing that what the city really needs, in what used to be its port, is a giant casino. Sources close to the President reported that he stayed quiet about the...
Al Qaeda’s attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001 were not intended as an act of terrorism but were in fact a failed attempt at a dramatic gender reveal, senior leaders of the terror group acknowledged. The now-waterlogged al Qaeda leader, Osama bin Laden, was looking to announce the sex of his daughter, Safiyah,...
Democratic congresswomen Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib have begrudgingly come out in support of the far-right anti-government “Boogaloo Boys” movement after members of the group were arrested for providing material support for Hamas. Omar and Tlaib, sporting Hawaiian shirts and camouflage pants, announced their backing of the group in a press conference Tuesday. “We aren’t fans of their white supremacy...
After a week of introspection, Syrian despot Bashar al-Assad has announced that despite the genuine criminal effort he put into clinging to power, he’s experiencing career burnout and will be returning to his ophthalmic practice in London by the end of this year. During the press conference the dictator stated that although he loves his country, he’s been fighting off...
The coronavirus pandemic has forced much of the world to re-think their social interactions; this has proven more difficult for some countries, especially the ones that haven’t changed the way their societies conduct themselves for several hundred years. In the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, men are complaining that since government restrictions were put in place, they have felt trapped and...
JERUSALEM — After three years of promising “the Deal of the Century”, Trump has revealed that his plan for Middle East peace centers around turning The Dome of the Rock shrine into a Trump Hotel. The President made it clear during negotiations last week that it is not worth lifting a city out of a protracted conflict if he can’t...
*Reposted as a timely #ThrowBack article (originally posted in 2016)* Washington, D.C. — He says he would have prevented the 9/11 attacks, he’s criticized Senator John McCain for being captured during the Vietnam War, and presidential republican nominee Donald Trump shows no signs of backing down, as Trump yesterday blasted all Iraq war veterans as “a bunch of pussies...
Looking to limit devastation caused by Antifa and other vandals and arsonists, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler announced that the city will resume controlled burns of properties in the downtown business district. Since the beginning of riot season, the abundance of flammable material such as cars, homes, and shops has contributed to out-of-control arson and vandalism throughout the city. Portland officials...
Islamic State (IS) leaders are blaming an increase in the availability of high-quality Internet porn for their inability to recruit enough volunteer suicide bombers. Speaking exclusively to The Mideast Beast (TMB), Islamic State Khorasan Province (IS-K) Director of the Head Separation Techniques Department admitted that the problem had become so acute that the organization has needed to put a new recruitment...
Though ISIS has never been linked to a violent attack in the United States, “mostly peaceful” ISIS affiliates have begun demonstrating in cities across the US, including Seattle and Portland, where law enforcement officials have agreed to stand down. Their demands are clear and their strategy effective. Masked protestors dressed in black have been rushing into restaurants en masse to...
Noting that the nation’s first president was extremely problematic, a committee has recommended removing George Washington’s name from the nation’s capital and renaming the city after someone less controversial like former PLO leader Yasser Arafat. The committee, formed by DC Mayor Muriel E. Bowser to examine problematic statues and monuments, noted that Washington was a slaveholder, was not a vegan...
Trump went on Fox News this week to say that dark shadowy people are controlling Joe Biden and the election, which not only solidified his voting base of elderly Germans hiding out in Argentina, but also awarded him the Crufts International Award for “Most Impressive Dog Whistle.” Although this award usually goes to physical whistles for attracting dogs, Crufts adjudicators...
After months of unrest and riots across American cities led to journalists being arrested and threatened, CNN announced they may be moving their headquarters to the Middle East “We are trying to move somewhere with more freedom of press,” said a spokesperson of the news network. “So far the candidates are Riyadh, Kabul, and Tehran. However, due to unexpected cuts,...
The United Nations voted this week to extend the mandate of its peacekeeping force in Lebanon. There was some concern for the fate of UNIFIL, and that the failure to carry out its mission would reflect poorly on the force but UN Security Council representatives said that that has never been a consideration for Middle East policies. A spokesperson commented that...
Islamic terror group ISIS has seen a surge in popularity, particularly among left-leaning millennials, after officially changing its name to “Anti-ISIS.” The group emphasized that it has not altered its mission or ideology and will continue to inflict mass casualty attacks on innocent civilians, primarily in the Muslim World. But calling itself Anti-ISIS has allowed the group to frame all...
