Politics

Urging the state’s residents to “reject bigotry and discrimination” and step into the 21st century, the Islamist terrorist group ISIS announced today that it had canceled an upcoming terrorist attack in North Carolina in response to a recently-passed law restricting transgender individuals from using the bathroom of their preferred gender identity. “HB2, commonly known as the bathroom bill, perpetuates discrimination and violates...

In response to the historic decision by the United States Supreme Court to legalize same-sex marriages, the Islamic Republic of Iran has allegedly reached out to Israel for advice on how to locate ‘undesirables’. “Ever since America made gay marriage legal, our perverts have been demanding better treatment. Since we don’t officially acknowledge the existence of homosexuals in our country,...

Following a crushing moment of introspection about his own speech style, President Obama has promised to cut back on the word “folks” during his final year in office. In a statement to The Mideast Beast he said, “I’m not from the south. I lived in Hawaii and I went to school on the East Coast. I don’t know exactly when I...

Doha – A panel of migrant workers went on the record Friday claiming that “everything is just fine!!” in Qatar. The video was released on the Qatari government’s English-version website. The news is a relief to Human Rights agencies all over the world, who said that the panicked and shaking panel of Nepalese, Yemeni, and Ethiopian migrants instilled in them...

Today the United Nations announced that the international community will not sit idly by while the fate of the Palestinians is decided, one way or the other. “We’ve kept significant progress being made for 68 years now, and we now know that the world is in agreement that this will not change,” stated Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. The Arab League...

RAMALLAH – Over 30 “anachronistic” words have been deleted from an updated dictionary of contemporary Palestinian Arabic, sparking unrest across the West Bank. Among those culled from Sayyid Bashem’s ‘Concise Dictionary of Contemporary Palestinian Arabic – Revised and Updated to Reflect What A Truly Hopeless Hellhole Occupied Palestine Is’ are ‘hope’ (amal), ‘dignity’ (karama), ‘freedom’ (hurriyeh), and most controversially, all...

OXFORD – Despite boisterous Israeli Apartheid Week events held at universities across the globe recently, organizers of an initiative fighting gender inequality in Saudi Arabia are reporting poor attendance and a pervasive mood of apathy among students. “No one seems to care that 15 million Saudis live as second-class citizens,” bemoaned Oxford Saudi Apartheid Week (SAW) co-organizer, Yasmine al-Sharifi, amid...

The Niqab, a full face veil covering, has long been a point of contention due to its perceived oppressive nature and suspicion the wearer may actually be a skilled ninja. Muslim scholars have debated whether Islamic text deems it to be obligatory, while various non-Muslim countries have worked towards making it outright illegal with some even succeeding. Attempts to ban...