In a ‘defense’ move that the Foreign Press Association blasted as collective punishment and a violation of press freedom, the Israeli government, now under the direction of its new Defense Minister, the hardline and slightly chubby Avigdor Lieberman, finally ordered the demolition of several CNN offices Wednesday after the network provided “inaccurate and biased coverage” of a November 2014 terror attack in...
With 2016 marking the 100-year anniversary of the Sykes-Picot Agreement, which created the borders that make up much of the modern Middle East, the French and British governments announced that they have once again proven their mapmaking abilities by re-divvying the North American continent. “In 1916, we and our French allies joined forces to create modern borders in the Middle...
Given the state of politics today, many are starting to notice that extremes are kind of like Michael Bay movies: they tend to attract a lot of people despite the fact that they tend to suck. Not since the bloody wars of Team Edward and Team Jacob have two parties been polarized by an issue to the degree that liberals...
The world is supposedly filled with a litany of legendary creatures claimed by some to actually exist. Many of these animals, despite being dismissed by most as hoaxes, have cultish followers that affirm their existence – terrifying monsters like Bigfoot, Nessie, and Cher. But while many of these creatures have eluded discovery for decades, a new one has now joined...
*Choose one of the options in the parentheses* For centuries, my ancestors lived in the ancient land of (Israel/Palestine). They lived there peacefully until they were driven out by colonizers who stole the land from them. Since that time, my people have suffered terribly at the hands of the (Israelis/Palestinians). What complicates the issue is that the (Israelis/Palestinians) believe...
Citing Florida neighborhood watch coordinator George Zimmerman as his inspiration, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has decided to auction off the shells used to gas to death thousands of Syrian civilians. On websites advertising the shells, Assad described the artillery as “a piece of Syrian history.” “I am honored and humbled to announce the sale of a Syrian military icon,” Assad’s...
Nearly 8 million Israelis fell into the face-palm position as Minister of Parliament and Head of ‘The Jewish House’ political party proclaimed, “The people of Israel have changed and they want more Judaism, more values and more of the Land of Israel.” In one sentence, the right-wing, ultra-national shot fear into the hearts of secular Israeli Jews, Israeli Arab Muslims and Christians,...
Maasiyahu Prison, located in central Israel, will soon open a new block dedicated to housing jailed former politicians. The influx of convicted public officials over the past few years has made it difficult for the facility to find accommodations for the new regal residents. “We don’t have enough jail cells to go around.” Explained jail warden Ofer Shmueli. “Also, I can’t put...
Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei told reporters he was pleasantly surprised by recent political developments in the United States, noting that Americans had seemingly gotten over their fear of allowing an irrational, unhinged, and bigoted madman to possess nuclear weapons. “I had been under the impression that Americans, and especially Republicans, were dead-set against letting a mentally disturbed fanatic with...
In a hard-hitting report Amnesty International has uncovered what many feared, some Palestinians are just complete dicks. Human rights commentator Darren Wild said, “We had all been hoping this wasn’t true and that we could hold onto our belief that all Palestinians were either simple goat herders, toddlers or poets. But sadly it seems that a small minority of them...
Newly elected London Mayor, Sadiq Khan has promised right-wing American bloggers that he will be carrying out the secret plan to create “Londonistan” just as soon as he finishes this nice cup of tea and gets through a very small list of minor tasks. “Apparently there are just some very small things on my to-do list that I have to...
German Chancellor Angela Merkel has issued a warrant for the arrest of Turkish Prime Minister Ahmet Davutoglu after the prime minister’s reported falling out with Turkey’s president, Recep Tayyip Erdogan. “No one – I repeat, no one – will insult, demean, or disagree with President Erdogan while I’m still around,” said Merkel, who last month launched a criminal investigation into...
While most mothers spend today getting breakfast in bed, cards with adorable spelling errors, and other gifts, a large group of mothers living in territories under ISIS’ control are having a different experience altogether. It appears that ISIS fighters have turned their violent attention to any mothers that are not their own. According to a press release from the terror...
Claiming that his group’s goal of destroying America had clearly been achieved, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi declared “Mission Accomplished” following former Alaska governor Sarah Palin’s OMFG endorsement of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. “There were many who laughed at me when I declared the restoration of the Islamic caliphate and promised that it would bring about the downfall of the American infidels,” Baghdadi...
In an effort to improve his standing among Muslim voters, Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump posted a picture on Facebook Friday of himself eating falafel while giving a thumbs up to the camera. “Having the best jihad balls from the Trump Tower kitchen,” Trump wrote in the Facebook post, referring to the falafel. “I love Muslims and their strange terrorist...
Marking the 154th anniversary of Cinco de Mayo, Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto is set to host a top Hamas official at his celebrations dinner this evening following days of discussions between the two leaders over the construction of underground tunnels – a project President Nieto anticipates may become a reality after Donald Trump has become the presumptive Republican Party...
While the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is now “facing cash and manpower shortages,” ISIS is also having to deal with another unexpected problem, one similar to Ted Cruz just a few months ago. The organization has had to pull its latest execution video from social media after one of the executioners in the video was discovered to have previously worked as a soft-core...
Just two days after claiming that Ted Cruz’s father aided JFK’s assassin, Donald Trump has alleged that Hugh E. Rodham orchestrated the slaying of Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin. “Crooked Hillary got her daddy to organize the hit [by religious extremist Yigal Amir] in order to boost the reputation of her rapist husband, Bighead Bill,” said the GOP presidential candidate....
JERUSALEM – In tribute to the six million victims of the Nazi genocide of European Jewry, Israel’s government announced today that five more Stars of David would be added to its national flag. Speaking at an event commemorating Yom HaShaoh – Israel’s official Holocaust Remembrance Day – Israeli Culture Minister Miri Regev said: “This way, no one will ever forget that...
PARIS – Jean-Marie Le Pen, the founder of France’s far-right National Front party, has accused Jews and Muslims of “global co-domination.” At a rally in Paris yesterday, the convicted Holocaust denier said: “Jews control the U.S. Congress, the German government and the global media, banking and pornography industries, while Muslims control the UN, the White House, [French President] Hollande and...
