NBC announced today that Khizr and Ghazala Khan, Donald Trump’s favorite couple, will be getting their own reality program, as part of the fall TV schedule. “Muslim Fear Factor will feature pulse racing stunts that force contestants to face their most primal fear: American Muslims. The Khans have signed on to host what promises to be a fascinating journey deep...
Saying he was “110 percent sorry,” Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan admitted Thursday that he had fabricated his story about an alleged coup against his government after he drunkenly vandalized a gas station. After a July 15 incident, Erdogan claimed that he and his government had been the victim of an attempted coup d’état, with the president narrowly avoiding an...
Hillary Clinton “It’s time for the United States to start thinking of Iraq as a business opportunity.” “Trump says he doesn’t like Assad, but would build a luxury golf course in Syria. Has a presidential candidate ever been this detached from reality? I’ve been in public life for decades and I think the answer is a resounding ‘no’.” “We should...
NICE — The Islamic State terrorist group was dealt a devastating blow last week, as a French ban on the burkini, put a stop to an ISIS plot to detonate an explosive vest in the Mediterranean Sea. “In what would have been our greatest strike ever against the infidel Crusaders, a young martyr was set to hide an explosive vest...
Dozens of civil servants tasked with analyzing nearly 15,000 emails of previously undisclosed communications from Hillary Clinton’s private server whilst she was Secretary of State have abandoned their posts and sought asylum at the nearby Saudi Arabian embassy. “It was worse than sitting through Zoolander 2. We were told that no one could leave until somebody found something nasty on...
Saying that the title of the film did not reflect an accurate description of the money Mel Gibson’s character paid kidnappers for the return of his son, President Obama has demanded that the name of the 1996 action thriller “Ransom” be changed to “Leverage.” “Tom Mullen [the character played by Gibson] was not paying the $2 million to the kidnappers...
ANKARA — The Turkish President announced Thursday a program of mass pardons of current prisoners to clear space for all those really dangerous white collar workers and intellectuals. “We’re all about giving people second chances.” said the Turkish president. “Unless you are suspected of being involved in the failed coup. In that case, you go directly to jail and do not...
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange claims the organization has obtained thousands of e-mails showing that Israel’s Mossad national intelligence agency has recently made overtures to newly-retired Olympic legend Michael Phelps. During an interview with television host Bill Maher, Assange said; “Our recently decapitated source inside the Israeli government provided us with a treasure trove of information about some of the country’s...
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan faces a gut-wrenching decision, as President Obama has offered to extradite Islamic cleric Fethullah Gulan only if Turkey agrees to also take Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. Erdogan has demanded the U.S. turn over Gulen, the founder of an Islamic social movement living in self-imposed exile in Pennsylvania, claiming Gulen was behind a failed coup...
BEIRUT – The Middle East’s simmering ‘Hummus Wars’ dramatically escalated today after Lebanon’s Minister of Sport provocatively declared Lesbian Hummus Wrestling his country’s official national sport. “With this landmark decision, we’ll once and for all prove that Lebanese – not Israeli – mashed chickpeas and bikini-clad chicks are the tastiest in the region,” said Abdul Muttalib Hinnawi at Beirut’s National Hummusdome (formerly the Roman Hippodrome)....
An Israeli pacifist has died trying to fulfill his dream of “spreading the message of love and liberty across the hate-filled deserts of the Middle East.” 27-year-old Ori Ashkenazi left Tel Aviv to great fanfare, telling CNN: “Ever since I was a kid at a candle-lit memorial for our slain prime minister, Yitzhak Rabin, I’ve dreamed of peace in the...
Addressing concerns that a philandering ‘First Dude’ could scandalize a future Hillary Clinton Administration, the Democratic U.S. Presidential nominee vowed on Friday to “keep Bill on a short, GPS-reinforced leash.” “Look, even though Bill has apologized for what happened – which occurred nearly twenty years ago, I may add – I’ll put preventative measures in place,” former First Lady Hillary Clinton...
Johnny Depp, recently accused by estranged wife Amber Heard of domestic violence, and now currently involved in a nasty court battle, has undergone an extra amount of scrutiny from lead Saudi Arabian family therapist Khaled Al-Saqaby today as he expressed his disappointment toward the actor in an ‘open letter’. “There is a proper and an improper way to beat one’s...
In a surprising move Donald Trump has agreed with Khizr Khan, the father of a Muslim US soldier slain in Iraq in 2004, that he has a “black soul”, and lacks basic human empathy. “You got me! This is one thing, besides my freakishly small hands and tax returns, that I’ve been hiding from the American people. I do have...
Athletes from Lebanon and Saudi Arabia are expected to take the gold and silver, respectively, in the freestyle anti-Israel shadow competition taking place in Rio. The goal of this game-within-a-game is, in layman’s terms, to be the most unsportsmanlike little bitches possible to the Israeli athletes before the International Olympic Committee half-heartedly does something about it. On Sunday, Saudi Arabian Joud...
RIO DE JANEIRO- The Olympics, like Black Friday at Macy’s, are thought of as a place where people fight each other for pieces of jewelry, regardless of their race or ethnicity. But, this normally pure pursuit has been marred by some classic, middle school bullying. So far, Lebanese athletes refused to share a bus with Israelis athletes, and Saudi and...
Hard rock legend Ozzy Osborne is relocating to the kingdom of Saudi Arabia in a desperate search for a remedy to his addiction to sex. “Problem is, I have 24/7 access to every flavor of poontang you can imagine. I even hooked up with a chick I met at a polling station during the Brexit vote. That’s when it hit...
The Iranian government, having recently received a $400 million payment from the American government which was definitely not a ransom payment, has enlisted rappers 50 Cent and Diddy for advice on the best way to spend the money. “Since the money was already in cash and in relatively small denominations, they suggested that we ‘hit up the strip club’ and...
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – While the rest of the world revels in the spectacle of the Olympic games, and quakes in fear of the Zika virus coming home with their athletes, one group is engrossed in the competition for an entirely different reason. “I’m so glad I planned it this way,” Donald Trump told his staff this week, “I’m such a genius for scheduling the...
Donald Trump condemned the Olympic Refugee Team today as “low-energy cheaters who are in cahoots with lyin’ crooked Hillary Clinton to knock me off the front page.” Following refugee swimmer Yusra Mardini’s 41st place finish in the 100m butterfly preliminary rounds on Saturday, Trump posted on Facebook: “How can someone who came in dead last get so much coverage? New...
