Entertainment

Emmys Snub For ISIS Film Producer Left off In Memoriam Reel
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Emmys Snub For ISIS Film Producer Left off In Memoriam Reel

The 2016 Emmy Awards paid homage to the many stars who died this past year with its “In Memoriam” tribute on Sunday, September 18. However, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences failed to include several creative powerhouses who passed away in the reel, angering people around the world. Fans of ISIS propaganda video mega-producer Wa’il Adil Hasan Salman al-Fayad,...

The Zohan Launches Presidential Run, Vows to “Make America Hummus-ier”
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The Zohan Launches Presidential Run, Vows to “Make America Hummus-ier”

NEW YORK – Declaring that “neither De Donald nor De Hillary has what it takes to spread de American Dream around,” counter terrorist-turned-hair and hummus tycoon Zohan Dvir announced a historic independent run for the White House today, potentially transforming the current two-way U.S. Presidential race. “De Hillary is like smearing stale peanut butter on your toast, and De Donald...

Chris Brown Offered Dream Job with ISIS
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Chris Brown Offered Dream Job with ISIS

Grammy Award winner and domestic violence advocate Chris Brown was arrested on Tuesday following a standoff with police at his Hollywood mansion. Brown, best known for having the unmitigated gall to raise his fist to Rihanna’s beautiful visage back in 2009, recorded a profanity-laced rant on his Instagram account defending his actions and declaring himself a victim of police brutality....

The Khans Get their Own Television Show
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The Khans Get their Own Television Show

NBC announced today that Khizr and Ghazala Khan, Donald Trump’s favorite couple, will be getting their own reality program, as part of the fall TV schedule. “Muslim Fear Factor will feature pulse racing stunts that force contestants to face their most primal fear: American Muslims. The Khans have signed on to host what promises to be a fascinating journey deep...

Iran Enlists the Help of 50 Cent and Diddy to Spend $400 million
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Iran Enlists the Help of 50 Cent and Diddy to Spend $400 million

The Iranian government, having recently received a $400 million payment from the American government which was definitely not a ransom payment, has enlisted rappers 50 Cent and Diddy for advice on the best way to spend the money. “Since the money was already in cash and in relatively small denominations, they suggested that we ‘hit up the strip club’ and...

Saudi Prince Buys Rights to Jewish Song
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Saudi Prince Buys Rights to Jewish Song

A Saudi Prince today purchased the rights to the well-known Jewish song Hava Nagila (Let’s rejoice).  Reached for comment on his yacht, the Prince said through an interpreter “I dig the tune. It friggin’ rocks.” With the specter of future royalty payments looming, Jewish folk bands are refusing to play the song.  “I hated the damn thing anyway! I felt like...

ISIS Threatens U.S. with Game of Thrones Spoilers
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ISIS Threatens U.S. with Game of Thrones Spoilers

In a terrifying new strategy aimed at escalating its war against the West, ISIS announced that it will inundate Americans with Game of Thrones spoilers next season unless the U.S. withdraws completely from the Middle East. “All the infidel drones and war planes in the world cannot change the fact that the Caliphate is seven hours ahead of the East...

Bernie Bros Look to Game of Thrones to Find Appropriate Punishment for Debbie Wasserman Schultz
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Bernie Bros Look to Game of Thrones to Find Appropriate Punishment for Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Outgoing Democratic National Committee Chairwoman and cup of undercooked Ramen noodles Debbie Wasserman Schultz has been heavily criticized after wikileaks published proof that she and the DNC undermined Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign. After Wasserman Schultz announced her resignation, Bernie’s campaign manager Jeff Weaver told reporters that “Today the voices of Bernie Sanders supporters have been heard. It’s hard to miss...

Kim Kardashian Becomes World’s Foremost Investigative Journalist, US Govt. Quakes in Fear
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Kim Kardashian Becomes World’s Foremost Investigative Journalist, US Govt. Quakes in Fear

HOLLYWOOD, CA — 2016 has been a year of political turmoil, terrorism, and unexpected Brexits, but perhaps the most shocking development yet came on Sunday evening when Kim Kardashian-West became the world’s foremost investigative journalist. Kardashian-West, previously best known for being attached to an amazing, albeit a gi-fucking-gantic ass (her own) and an awful one (her husband Kanye West) released...

Western World Shocked by Islamist Belief that Radiohead is Still Relevant
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Western World Shocked by Islamist Belief that Radiohead is Still Relevant

After radical Islamists attacked a Radiohead listening party in Istanbul last Friday, the Western world has begun to awaken to the shocking fact that many Islamists still care about Radiohead. “Until Friday’s attack, I was under the impression that radical Islam could be controlled,” President Obama admitted in a press conference following Friday’s attack by Islamists in Turkey’s largest city....

Are You up for the ‘Iron Dome’ Challenge?
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Are You up for the ‘Iron Dome’ Challenge?

Following the success of the Ice Bucket Challenge in aid of ALS, Hamas and the IDF have been moved to create their very own charity fundraising scheme. Saul Starstein, Director of Giving for the IDF explained more. “We all accept that our media profile is really not that great. Now’s not the time to get into the blame game of...