Roger Pumper

Journalism has been in Roger Pumper’s blood since he began his first paper route in Kabul, Afghanistan, at the age of seven. After graduating from Cairo’s Al-Azhar University with a Doctorate in Animal Husbandry, Pumper worked as a fact-checker for Brian Williams and Bill O’Reilly. Pumper was awarded a Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for his investigative reporting on Iraq’s WMD program, though the award was later revoked. Pumper currently resides on a goat farm outside Kirachi, Pakistan.

 

NSA Discreetly Begins Lifelong Surveillance of 14- Year Old Ahmed Mohamed
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NSA Discreetly Begins Lifelong Surveillance of 14- Year Old Ahmed Mohamed

Calling him a hero, a role model and a victim of baseless discrimination, the National Security Agency nonetheless quietly agreed to enact around-the-clock surveillance on 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed, who was arrested after a clock he brought into his high school in Irving, Texas was mistaken for a bomb. “Ahmed is a role model, and it’s tragic and disturbing that the...

Christians in Iraq and Syria Celebrate Kim Davis’ Release
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Christians in Iraq and Syria Celebrate Kim Davis’ Release

Calling it a huge victory for religious freedom across the globe, Christians in Iraq, Syria and several other Middle Eastern countries took to the streets last week to celebrate Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis’ release from prison. “It’s been hard to enjoy our freedom here knowing that in America Mrs. Davis is behind bars just for being a Christian,” said...

After Shooting of Mexican Tourists, Trump Plans to Hire Egyptian Army to Guard Border
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After Shooting of Mexican Tourists, Trump Plans to Hire Egyptian Army to Guard Border

After Egyptian security forces mistakenly killed eight Mexican tourists Saturday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump proposed tasking the Egyptian Army with protecting the United States’ southern border. “Clearly, the Egyptians know how to deal with the Mexicans,” Trump declared. “And these Mexicans that the Egyptians killed, they were law-abiding citizens. So just imagine what they’d do to the illegals!” Trump said...

After Foreign Policy Stumbles, Trump Hires Herman Cain as Advisor
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After Foreign Policy Stumbles, Trump Hires Herman Cain as Advisor

After a series of foreign policy stumbles including an interview in which he mixed up the Kurds and Iran’s Al Quds Force, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced the addition of former Godfather’s Pizza CEO and 2012 presidential candidate Herman Cain to his foreign policy team. “Listen, I already know more about the world than any of those other losers,...

Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility for Deflating Footballs
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Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility for Deflating Footballs

Calling it the organization’s most successful operation on U.S. soil in years, al Qaeda chief Ayman al-Zawahiri claimed responsibility for the deflated football during the AFC Championship and for causing millions of Americans to question the integrity of the Super Bowl. “In a tremendous blow to the American infidels, we infiltrated the New England Patriots locker room and had our...

Third World Leaders Congratulate Netanyahu After UN Names Israel Worst Human Rights Violator

Third World Leaders Congratulate Netanyahu After UN Names Israel Worst Human Rights Violator

After the UN’s World Health Organization declared Israel the world’s top violator of health rights, world leaders from throughout Africa, Central Asia and the Middle East congratulated Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu on his country’s impressive feat. The designation has earned Netanyahu the admiration of dictators throughout the world, as the Israeli premier has suddenly become one of the...

Exclusive: The Mideast Beast Releases Leaked Al Qaeda Job Application
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Exclusive: The Mideast Beast Releases Leaked Al Qaeda Job Application

Recently, the U.S. government released a trove of documents found in 2011 in Osama bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, including an al Qaeda job application form. Through an anonymous source (it was Joe Biden), The Mideast Beast has obtained a copy of this form.   Al Qaeda Job Application Thank you for your interest in joining al Qaeda, the world’s number...

Iranian Leader Questions Obama’s Citizenship; Halts Negotiations
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Iranian Leader Questions Obama’s Citizenship; Halts Negotiations

Nuclear negotiations have come to a halt as Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Iran’s supreme leader, demanded to see President Obama’s long-form birth certificate before continuing discussions. Khamenei’s decision came after a letter sent by 47 Senate Republicans revealed that any deal signed with the President would be null and void because of a law requiring that he be born in the United...

Iran Considering Military Strike Against Iran following Suspicious Soil Sample
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Iran Considering Military Strike Against Iran following Suspicious Soil Sample

Iran declared Friday that it has not ruled out military action against Iran, after Iranian inspectors reported that a soil sample from the Parchin military base contained traces of radioactive material. “After conducting a thorough inspection of the Parchin facility, we have found substantial evidence to suggest we might be illegally enriching uranium,” said Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. “If our...

After Reading Amnesty International Report, Netanyahu a Bit Jealous of Hamas
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After Reading Amnesty International Report, Netanyahu a Bit Jealous of Hamas

Following the release of an Amnesty International report accusing Hamas of executing political opponents (among other war crimes) during last summer’s war in Gaza, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was reportedly seen kicking himself for leaving his own domestic critics unharmed during the operation. “While I’m wasting my time and taxpayer money creating bogus ministries and made-up positions for my political...

New Saudi King Shocked to Learn that Women Live in Kingdom
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New Saudi King Shocked to Learn that Women Live in Kingdom

A month after taking the throne following the death of King Abdullah, Saudi Arabia’s new monarch was reportedly stunned to discover that many of the Kingdom’s residents – by some counts more than half – are in fact women. “In his first cabinet meeting, King Salman mentioned that while vacationing in the French Riviera or hosting parties in his yacht’s...

Jewish Rapper Matisyahu Pulls Out of Spanish Festival after Organizers Refuse to Condemn Inquisition
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Jewish Rapper Matisyahu Pulls Out of Spanish Festival after Organizers Refuse to Condemn Inquisition

Jewish-American rapper Matisyahu has come under fire after pulling out of a Spanish reggae festival after the festival’s organizers refused to publicly disavow the Spanish Inquisition. Matisyahu was originally scheduled to play at Spain’s Rototom Sunsplash festival this Saturday. Festival organizers, however, said Matisyahu contacted them this week and asked them to write a public letter or produce a video clearly...

Former Foreign Minister in Critical Condition After 18-Hour Hunger Strike

Former Foreign Minister in Critical Condition After 18-Hour Hunger Strike

Israeli Knesset Member, right-winger, ultra-nationalist Avigdor Lieberman has been hospitalized after a nearly a full day-long hunger strike to protest the government’s refusal to increase settlement-building in the West Bank, transfer Israelis of Palestinian descent out of the country and offer him a prominent cabinet position. Lieberman, a former ally of right-wing Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu who finds himself in the...

Following UK’s Palestine Vote, Israel to Recognize Scotland
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Following UK’s Palestine Vote, Israel to Recognize Scotland

Following the vote by the UK’s Parliament to recognize the State of Palestine last October, the Israeli Knesset has voted to officially recognize Scotland as a state (whether they want independence or not) and demand British occupation of the territory end immediately. “The British have denied the Scots their freedom for too long,” Israel’s former chubby Foreign Minister said in a...

Americans, Iranian Hardliners Join Together for ‘Death to America’ Rally
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Americans, Iranian Hardliners Join Together for ‘Death to America’ Rally

Iranian hardliners and American opponents of the proposed nuclear deal held a joint “Death to America” rally at the National Mall in Washington, confirming President Obama’s claims that the two sides have been in cahoots in opposing the landmark agreement. “This deal does not guarantee ‘anywhere, anytime’ inspections, as promised,” Senator Chuck Schumer, a New York Democrat and radical Shia...

Diplomatic Crisis as Obama Unfriends Netanyahu on Facebook
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Diplomatic Crisis as Obama Unfriends Netanyahu on Facebook

JERUSALEM – The icy relationship between President Obama and Prime Minister Netanyahu hit a new, almost too-hard-to-believe low this week, with the American president ‘unfriending’ the Israeli Premier on Facebook. Though it’s unclear exactly when Obama made the move to delete his Israeli counterpart as a Facebook friend – most likely around the time Netanyahu accepted Boehner’s controversial invite –...