Roger Pumper

Journalism has been in Roger Pumper’s blood since he began his first paper route in Kabul, Afghanistan, at the age of seven. After graduating from Cairo’s Al-Azhar University with a Doctorate in Animal Husbandry, Pumper worked as a fact-checker for Brian Williams and Bill O’Reilly. Pumper was awarded a Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for his investigative reporting on Iraq’s WMD program, though the award was later revoked. Pumper currently resides on a goat farm outside Kirachi, Pakistan.

 

Hatari Petitions The Hague Over Bland Falafel in Israel
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Hatari Petitions The Hague Over Bland Falafel in Israel

Accusing the nation of engaging in “apartheid against foreign musicians,” Icelandic techno group Hatari filed charges against Israel for crimes against humanity after being served tasteless falafel during its trip for Eurovision. “While I know that the Middle East has seen injustice and suffering, nothing can compare to the pain of expecting the best falafel I’ve ever tasted and instead...

Rashida Tlaib Plans Relaxing Spa Week at Auschwitz

Rashida Tlaib Plans Relaxing Spa Week at Auschwitz

Noting that she really needs some pampering after a stressful week in Congress, Representative Rashida Tlaib has booked a trip to Poland for a week of spa treatment at Auschwitz. “Dealing with all this nagging from Republicans and Jews has really been terrible for my skin,” said Tlaib, referring to criticism over recent comments about the Holocaust. “I need to go...

NYC Launches ‘See Something, Confront Your Unconscious Bias and Islamophobia’ Campaign

NYC Launches ‘See Something, Confront Your Unconscious Bias and Islamophobia’ Campaign

In an effort to revamp his city’s post-9/11 “See Something Say Something” campaign, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has announced a fresh “See Something, Confront Your Unconscious Bias and Consider How the White Supremacist Patriarchy Has Shaped what is Considered Suspicious” initiative. Posters with the new slogan will begin going up on billboards, trains and buses throughout the city,...

Confused Biden Touts Endorsement from Ben-Gurion

Confused Biden Touts Endorsement from Ben-Gurion

Days after mistakenly telling supporters that the late Margaret Thatcher had recently express concern about Donald Trump’s presidency, former Vice President Joe Biden announced that he has received the endorsement of former Israeli prime minister David Ben-Gurion. “Just spoke with Prime Minister Ben-Gurion – he gave me a ringing endorsement and said he’s very worried about this Nixon fellow,” the 76-year-old...

Kushner Peace Deal to Give Palestinians Trump Tower

Kushner Peace Deal to Give Palestinians Trump Tower

In what the Trump administration is calling the most generous offer yet, Jared Kushner revealed that his Middle East peace plan will give the Palestinians a Trump Tower luxury apartment building in exchange for recognizing Israel. The deal would see a 95-story Trump Tower built in downtown Ramallah, with a casino going up next to the Church of Nativity in...

Saudi Government Torn Over Whether to Let Caitlyn Jenner Drive
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Saudi Government Torn Over Whether to Let Caitlyn Jenner Drive

Saudi officials have held a series of emergency meetings over the past month, as the government has struggled over whether former Olympian and reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner, who was born a man but revealed that she identified as a woman, would be allowed to drive or appear unveiled in public if she ever visits the Kingdom. “Allah decides who...

Corbyn Holds Memorial for ‘German Reputations’ Lost in Holocaust

Corbyn Holds Memorial for ‘German Reputations’ Lost in Holocaust

As people in Israel, and throughout the world, mark Yom HaShoah, or Holocaust Memorial Day, UK Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn issued a touching eulogy to the thousands of Germans who saw their reputations suffer under Nazi rule. “We can never forget the terrible tragedy of Europe’s concentration camps, where innocent Germans were verbally attacked simply for doing their jobs,” Corbyn...

New York Times Hires Ilhan Omar as Anti-Semitism Sensitivity Advisor

New York Times Hires Ilhan Omar as Anti-Semitism Sensitivity Advisor

Following backlash over a recent cartoon criticized as anti-Semitic, The New York Times has responded by hiring Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar to advise the paper on sensitivity towards Jewish readers. “Really, we had no idea that portraying Jews as dogs with giant noses could be viewed as offensive,” the publication said in a statement. “We decided that we need someone...

Iranian Ayatollah Sends US Bill for Hair Loss Treatment

Iranian Ayatollah Sends US Bill for Hair Loss Treatment

Saying that stress from American-led sanctions has led to early-onset hair loss, Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei has sent the US government a $2 million bill for hair loss treatment. Khamenei sent the invoice shortly after learning that North Korea requested a similar amount for the treatment of American tourist Otto Warmbier, who died after being released from North Korean...

Trump to Build ‘Third Temple Trump Hotel’ on Site of Temple Mount

Trump to Build ‘Third Temple Trump Hotel’ on Site of Temple Mount

Calling it a perfect solution to longstanding tension over the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, President Trump has proposed a plan to raze the entire site and replace it with the ‘Third Temple Trump Hotel and Mosque.’ Trump unveiled his plans just one day after meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in Washington. After considering how to accommodate Jewish access...

ISIS Members Shave Beards After Seeing How Stupid Assange Looks
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ISIS Members Shave Beards After Seeing How Stupid Assange Looks

In a dramatic reversal, the Islamic State has banned long, unkempt beards after ISIS leaders saw just how stupid an unshaven Julian Assange looked during his arrest. Fighters will now be required to be clean-shaven or at most keep short, neatly-trimmed facial hair. Officially, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi cited a recently-discovered hadith, or saying of Prophet Muhammad, in announcing...

Sanders Announces ‘Operation Write a Bestseller’ Plan to End Global Poverty
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Sanders Announces ‘Operation Write a Bestseller’ Plan to End Global Poverty

Explaining that anyone who writes a bestselling book can be a millionaire, Senator and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has announced a plan to end world poverty by ensuring all earth’s citizens have the chance to write a bestseller. “Frankly, capitalism has failed because the millionaires and billionaires won’t let everyone write a bestseller,” Sanders explained. “When I am president, we will...

Arab Leaders Willing to Try Democracy After Netanyahu Wins Fifth Term

Arab Leaders Willing to Try Democracy After Netanyahu Wins Fifth Term

Saying that the institution “may not be as bad as people claim,” Arab leaders from across the Middle East say they are now open to giving democracy a shot after seeing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu win a fifth term in office. “I always thought democracy meant periodically changing who was in power,” explained Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. “But if...

Netanyahu Promises to Annex West Village if Re-Elected

Netanyahu Promises to Annex West Village if Re-Elected

Days after vowing to annex Jewish settlements in the West Bank during his next term, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today took it a step further with a promise to also declare sovereignty over Lower Manhattan’s West Village. “No one can stop the Jewish people or the Jewish nation state from building homes in the West Village or anywhere else...

Trump Begins Building Wind Turbines in Iraq to Give ISIS Cancer
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Trump Begins Building Wind Turbines in Iraq to Give ISIS Cancer

In a move aimed at dealing a death blow to what remains of the Islamic State, US President Donald Trump has launched a wind turbine-building campaign across Iraq and Syria with the aim of giving the group’s remaining fighters cancer. “Listen, we’ve totally defeated ISIS, believe me, but now we have to make sure all their fighters are dead so...