Journalism has been in Roger Pumper’s blood since he began his first paper route in Kabul, Afghanistan, at the age of seven. After graduating from Cairo’s Al-Azhar University with a Doctorate in Animal Husbandry, Pumper worked as a fact-checker for Brian Williams and Bill O’Reilly. Pumper was awarded a Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for his investigative reporting on Iraq’s WMD program, though the award was later revoked. Pumper currently resides on a goat farm outside Kirachi, Pakistan.
After years of promising to unite the Muslim world in an Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi admitted this week that he had no idea how difficult establishing, maintaining and then pretty much losing a utopian civilization based on the model of Muhammed and his rightly-guided successors would be. “Now, I have to tell you,...
Calling the top Democrat “really insensitive” for criticizing his Caliphate, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi blasted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for singling out terrorists of color for denunciation. “I guess the Speaker isn’t so comfortable with someone with brown skin blowing up a mosque or having a few sex slaves,” al-Baghdadi told The Mideast Beast. “I never realized Ms. Pelosi...
JERUSALEM — In his latest response to the UN Security Council’s resolution condemning his county’s settlement activity, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has broken off all diplomatic relations with the city of Tel Aviv. “No one will tell us where Jews can or cannot build homes – not the UN, and certainly not those smug, open-minded Tel Aviv liberals,” Netanyahu...
Saying he was furious over criticism that his site had contributed to the spread of fake news leading up to, and continuing after, the November 8, 2016 U.S. presidential election, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg announced that he will be moving to Syria and joining ISIS. “The claim that Facebook is awash with false and misleading news is completely unfounded,” Zuckerberg...
Following Melania Trump’s promise to focus on preventing cyberbullying nearly three years ago, and her clear success at it thus far as First Lady of the United States, Eva Braun has announced plans to combat anti-Semitism both in Germany and throughout the world. “Our culture has become too mean and too rough, especially to Jewish people,” Braun, Adolf Hitler’s longtime mistress, noted....
The frontrunner in the ISIS presidential election has seen a dramatic drop in the polls after an opponent attacked his opposition decades ago to school bus bombings. Former Vice Caliph Yusef al-Bideni appeared stunned when his challenger, Kamal bin Harisi, brought up his criticism of bus bombing, which dates back to the 1970s. “Mr. al-Bideni claims to have evolved since...
THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH, FLORIDA — Calling it a breeding ground for terrorism and a threat to national security, US President Donald Trump said shutting down the Morocco Pavilion in Disney World’s Epcot theme park is his next priority. “Why did President Obama let a country full of Muslim jihadis occupy American soil in Orlando?” Trump wrote in an early morning tweet. “This...
Noting that the rising popularity of the chickpea-based dish has placed a burden on Americans who do not have a taste for it, Massachusetts senator and Democratic presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren has come out for reparations for anyone who does not like falafel. Warren made the promise at Wednesday night’s Democratic debate, just days after calling for reparations for gay...
Apparently unaware that the drone destroyed by the Iranian Revolutionary Guards was unmanned, US President Donald Trump praised the “brave and patriotic pilot senselessly killed” and promised payback would be swift. Puzzlingly, Trump even said that he had spoken to the family of the pilot to offer his condolences. “They told me, Donald, you are doing a tremendous job, crooked...
In a scathing one-star TripAdvisor review, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez called the Hilton Hotel in Washington D.C. “literally a concentration camp” after her room service order arrived nearly 15 minutes late. “Just like the knotsies (sic) starved the Jews in the Holocaust, the Hilton is refusing to bring me my breakfast omelette in a timely manner, putting my health, and therefore...
Freshman Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is once again under fire for minimizing the holocaust after she referred to the book “Basic Economics” as “pretty much the same thing as” Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler’s manifesto. Ocasio-Cortez has already faced criticism after comparing the use of tear gas to the Nazis’ use of cyanide gas and for likening migrant camps at the US-Mexico border...
Rejecting any responsibility for the death of the deposed leader, Egypt’s government vowed that former president Mohammed Morsi was not tortured any more than every other political prisoner held in the country. “Mr. Morsi died of natural causes, and any suggestion that his death was caused by his treatment in prison is reckless and completely unfounded,” a statement from President Abdel...
Just days after ground was broken in the new Golan Heights settlement, Trump Heights announced that it had no choice but to officially declare bankruptcy after billions of shekels of debt was discovered on its balance sheet. The move shocked auditors, who noted that the only construction to take place so far was a groundbreaking ceremony for a commemorative plaque....
Lamenting that he is not nearly as hated despite helping orchestrate the September 11 attacks, al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri is reportedly jealous of New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio’s deep unpopularity among New Yorkers. De Blasio, who has faced criticism for his decision to run for president, has a net negative approval rating of 24 points in New...
After drawing intense criticism for blocking traffic in Portland, Oregon and attacking an elderly man, the left-wing Antifa organization has agreed to attend training sessions on civil governance led by the Islamist militant group ISIS. “While mercilessly attacking your critics, inflicting random acts of violence and terrorizing innocent civilians is a great start, it is not a long-term strategy,” ISIS...
In an effort to create a safe space for Palestinians and anti-Zionists, organizers of the Dyke March announced that people with long or hook-shaped noses will be banned from next year’s event. The march courted controversy this year when it banned pride flags with the Star of David and other Jewish symbols in a move it said marked solidarity with Palestinian...
In a rejection of more than two decades of Palestinian foreign policy, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas said it might be time for the US and Mexico to give up on their attempt at a two-state solution. “Listen, we’ve tried having separate states on each side of the Rio Grande, and we ended up with one side sending all its rapists...
In an effort to finally defeat the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, US President Donald Trump has announced a 15% tariff on all goods imported from the Caliphate. The tariff, which will also tax exports to ISIS, bewildered economists, who noted that the policy would have little effect since there was no trade between the US and the Islamic...
In a dramatic turnaround, US President Donald Trump and Iranian Ayatollah Ali Khamenei have become best friends after learning that they share a vehement hatred for the late US Senator John McCain. The pair made the discovery early Saturday morning, when Trump phoned the Ayatollah to brag about the latest round of sanctions against Iran. Trump called Khamenei the “fourth...
In another dramatic foreign policy development, US President Donald Trump has threatened to annihilate Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei in Hasbro’s classic board game ‘Battleship.’ In a tweet that reportedly stunned the president’s generals and top advisors, Trump offered to withdraw all military forces from the Middle East and turn over the entire US nuclear arsenal to Iran if the...
