Journalism has been in Roger Pumper’s blood since he began his first paper route in Kabul, Afghanistan, at the age of seven. After graduating from Cairo’s Al-Azhar University with a Doctorate in Animal Husbandry, Pumper worked as a fact-checker for Brian Williams and Bill O’Reilly. Pumper was awarded a Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for his investigative reporting on Iraq’s WMD program, though the award was later revoked. Pumper currently resides on a goat farm outside Kirachi, Pakistan.
Following news that President Donald Trump had suggested using nuclear bombs to stop hurricanes from hitting the US, the Iranian regime is now insisting that its nuclear weapons program is in fact aimed at protecting the country from severe weather events. “We said all along that our nuclear program was peaceful,” Iranian President Hassan Rouhani told The Mideast Beast. “Sure,...
Envious that so much of the world’s anger has been directed towards Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro over fires in the Amazon Rainforest, al Qaeda has ordered its warriors to burn down the Middle East’s preeminent ecosystem, the Arabian Desert. Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri said in an internal memo that he hopes raging fires across the Arabian Peninsula will inspire...
Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei is calling for a complete boycott of Salman Rushdie after the novelist refused to invite Khamenei to his 73rd birthday party. Khamenei, who recently renewed a 30-year-old fatwa calling for Rushdie’s death, had planned to spend the birthday party lobbying for guests to carry out the death order. But those plans were halted when he...
While Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib’s on-again off-again plans to visit Israel and the Palestinian territories have roiled the US, the uncertainty has also caused untold aggravation for Tlaib’s grandmother, who has spent the past week cooking for Rashida’s expected visit. After staying up all night cooking Rashida’s favorite dishes earlier this week, Tlaib’s grandmother was forced to feed a week’s worth...
Calling the deceased financier a kindred spirit, former US Congressman Anthony Weiner is reportedly distraught that he never got the chance to become friends with Jeffrey Epstein before his death. In a since-deleted Tweet, the disgraced New York politician complained that he was never invited to Epstein’s mansion, let alone his ‘orgy island’ in the Caribbean. While he hoped that...
Nearly a year after his bungling execution of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi drew international condemnation, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is looking to his American allies for help in getting troublesome individuals to commit suicide. Bin Salman’s appeal for help came after billionaire financier and sex offender Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his Manhattan jail cell after apparently...
Saying he could no longer stand by while a humanitarian crisis unfolded a mere 6,000 miles away, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has opened his doors to millions of Americans fleeing out-of-control gun violence in their country. “While our nation has its own struggles and absorbing tens of millions of Americans will not be an easy task, we cannot turn our...
With the signing of landmark gun control legislation, the Islamic State has banned all gun sales to individuals with no history of violence, domestic abuse or mental illness. “While I believe strongly in the right to bear arms, there are certain people who should simply not own a military-grade weapon,” ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi said as he signed the...
In a move aimed at terrorizing US citizens, the Islamic State has announced a new initiative to sit back and do nothing while Americans slaughter each other in mass shootings. “The whole point of radical Islamic terrorism is to prevent people from gathering at church, in school, at shopping centers, or at bars without the fear of falling victim to...
Taking inspiration from GOP Congressman Kevin McCarthy and US President Donald Trump, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has ended years of violence and civil war by enacting a ban on violent video games. The ban, which came after more than 400,000 Syrian deaths since 2011, has brought peace to the region, as both ISIS and pro-government forces have overcome their violent...
Saying that the threat of additional terrorist attacks justified extraordinary measures, the US has begun holding suspected white supremacists on the island of Gringotanamo Bay off the coast of Cuba. American officials made the decision after a pair of shootings in Dayton, Ohio and El Paso, Texas – one of which was believed to be carried out by white supremacists...
In response to comments from President Donald Trump urging her and three other freshmen Congressmen to “go back” to their countries, Representative Ilhan Omar called racism and bigotry the biggest threat facing America, along with the Jews. “It is horrifying that in 2019, an elected leader like Donald Trump could question our loyalty to our country based solely on our...
Blasting their colleague for her lack of disdain for American Jews, three far-left congresswomen have kicked Democrat Ayanna Pressley out of their “squad.” “Frankly, when it comes to pushing bizarre conspiracy theories against the Jews or being indignantly dismissive of Jewish concerns, Pressley has not been pulling her weight,” Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar said in a press conference. “While Rashida (Tlaib)...
Pointing to the example of Nazi Germany in defense of controversial pro-BDS legislation, Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib said that the rise of the Adolf Hitler proved that a little bit of anti-Semitism really isn’t that big a deal. “Some are calling this legislation anti-Semitic because it says that people should refuse to do business with Israeli Jews, but you know what?” she...
In yet another blow to the Jewish People, UNESCO has declared Katz’s Delicatessen, a well-known Jewish, kosher-style establishment, a Palestinian world heritage site. “Al-Delicatessen al-Katz is as integral to Islamic history as Mecca, Medina and South Florida,” the resolution states. “Unfortunately, this landmark is threatened by the Zionist De Blasio occupation regime.” The resolution is the latest in a series...
Supporters of the Boycott-Divestment-Sanctions (BDS) campaign announced that they are widening the scope of their movement after learning that Palestinians are treated like shit across the Middle East and the rest of the world. “When we were told we had to boycott Israel, we thought that it was because of Israel’s treatment of Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza,”...
In response to the dedication of a new Israeli town called Trump Heights and other efforts aimed at flattering US President Donald Trump, Palestinian leaders will declare their territory the “State of Donaldstine.” The move represents a dramatic reversal for the Palestinian Authority, which had resisted peace negotiations led by the Trump Administration and accused the US of favoring Israeli demands. But...
Calling the Kingdom a “beacon of tolerance and progressive values,” a column in The New York Times praised Saudi Arabia for winning the “space race for equality” by refusing to put a straight white male on the moon. “While Americans were busy spreading white supremacy by sending cis-gendered straight white men into space, one after another, Saudi leadership refused to...
Confronted over her baffling explanation of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict on PBS’s “Firing Line,” Democratic House candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez admitted that she had no idea that there’s a literal country called “Israel” or an aspiring nation called “Palestine.” Ocasio-Cortez acknowledged that her opposition to the “occupation” stemmed from her Socialist aversion to anything that sounded like it might have to do...
In the most extensive comments on his nuclear ambitions to date, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un said he needs an extensive weapons program because women refuse to take him seriously on dating sites due to his height. In a heated exchange with US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, Kim was told that is not acceptable to continue developing his...
