Al-Baghdadi Disappoints at First Caliphate Debate

Image courtesy and property of The Independent in http://ind.pn/10Gk0f5, 10/11/2014

ISIS Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s disappointing performance in the first Caliphate debate has opened the door for the other candidates in the 2020 Caliph race, as Baghdadi was hammered by his opponents for his soft stands on religious minorities, execution and women’s rights.

Baghdadi, who entered the debate with a large lead in the polls after restoring the Islamic Caliphate, touted his success in his first term in office.

“Are you better off now than you were four years ago?” Baghdadi asked in his opening remarks. “Unless you’re Shia, Kurdish, Yazidi, Christian, secular or Jihadi John, the answer is emphatically ‘Yes.’”

The other candidates on the crowded stage, however, took aim at the frontrunner.

“This so-called Caliph destroys some tiny statues, and then posts it all over the internet as if it’s some big deal,” said former Taliban leader Mullah Omar, whose appearance at the debate dispelled rumors of his death. “Well let me tell you, when I was Caliph in Afghanistan, I destroyed statues fifty times as large as anything Baghdadi has ever seen.”

Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri went after Baghdadi’s economic policy.

“Because of your failed leadership, Mr. Caliph, many of our citizens are only able to afford one child slave bride,” Zawahiri told Baghdadi. “I will stimulate our economy by employing more head-choppers, suicide bombers and rapists.”

Though Baghdadi’s debate performance may lead to a drop in the polls, he remains the favorite to retain his position. This could change, however, as former U.S. President Barack Obama is seriously considering a run for the position, according to reports on Fox News.