Kaepernick Vows Not to Leave His Bed Until ‘There’s Peace in the Middle East’

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SAN FRANCISCO — Saying he had just learned of the ongoing war in Syria as well as other tragedies across the Middle East, 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick has vowed not to leave his bed until there’s “change” in the region and an end to all violence and suffering.

“First, when I heard about all the violence and racism in America and stuff, I was like, wow America sucks, I’m not standing for the national anthem,” Kaepernick told The Mideast Beast. “But then I found out it’s not just America. There’s this country called the Middle East and it’s pretty much fucked. I heard there’s a war in Syria or something, Jews and Muslims are suddenly arguing, and there are starving children in Antarctica and polar bears dying in Africa. I just can’t stay silent anymore about the Mideast.”

Kaepernick, who had already been battling for a roster spot, acknowledged that his refusal to leave his bed could hurt his football career.

“Some things are just bigger than football, like stopping ISIS, or just fixing the entire Middle East and the melting icecaps over there,” Kaepernick added. “Hopefully when those bad guys over there hear about my courageous stand, they’ll end their wars before someone gets hurt.”

Kaepernick said he doesn’t expect to miss his team’s September 12 opener, noting that two weeks should be more than enough time to get these issues sorted out.