ISIS to U.S. Republicans: “God Damnit, You Had One Job…”

© Georgesheldon | Dreamstime.com - Paul Ryan US House Of Representaives Speaker Photo

ISIS leaders have expressed frustration with House Leader Paul Ryan, as he failed to push through the repeal of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare).

A spokesman commented, “They had one job, destroy America. And we really thought that with control of all the levers of power in D.C., we could leave them to it while we concentrated on frolicking through the Levant with the sort of glee you’ve only seen before with President Trump pretending to drive a Mack truck.”

“But no, somehow they managed to upset the ‘conservative’ elements of their party. We didn’t even realize there were more ‘conservative’ elements than Ryan. That’s like talking about more ‘conservative’ elements within our organization. I mean, sure, there may be some of us that think beheading people with a sword is too progressive and want to go back to stoning. But we don’t let those crazies run policy.”

“So now we have to find new allies. If anyone has the number for the Freedom Caucus can they email it to us? We really respect their views on women, I think we can do business with them.”