ISIS Leader to Trump: ‘Stop Calling Me with Nuclear Codes’

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Saying that he just could not deal with the constant phone calls, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has asked US President Donald Trump to stop calling him at all hours of the night to discuss US state secrets.

“At first, I thought it was a tremendous victory that the head of the infidels would call me, unprompted, and tell me about confidential US military missions or which of my fighters is secretly a spy,” the ISIS caliph told The Mideast Beast.

“But it just became too much,” Baghdadi continued. “He would call me at 4 a.m. saying, ‘You know Abu, everyone is giving me a hard time about changing all the nuclear codes to ‘867-5309’ but it’s the only way I can remember them.’ I can never get a good night’s sleep anymore.”

Asked why he was so persistent in speaking to the terrorist leader, Trump said he has no one else to speak to now that Russian President Vladimir Putin has stopped taking his calls.