ISIS Leader to Release Medical Records on The Dr. Oz Show

By David Berkowitz [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Saying he was tired of false reports of his death, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has agreed to appear on “The Dr. Oz Show” to present his medical records.

After giving the ISIS Caliph a thorough physical, Dr. Mehmet Oz, the host of the popular TV show, said the caliph is a bit overweight but overall healthy and should be able to continue jihad for many years to come.

“It is important that the leader of the Caliphate be in good health,” al-Baghdadi explained. “I am very healthy, as my wives can testify.”

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Al-Baghdadi took the opportunity to contrast his strong health with Hillary Clinton, battling a bout of pneumonia.

“I think the people of the Middle East and the world have to choose,” al-Baghdadi said. “Do they want to be led by a healthy, vigorous, slightly overweight sociopathic nihilist, or a woman with mild pneumonia? I think the choice is obvious.”